Desperately Seeking Rest

Waiting for baby

2009-02-27T17:42:00.002+08:00

My baby is supposed to be due on 2nd March... And my doc says that it could be anytime now that i welcome her to this world! I am so excited to meet her.. it's amazing how she has been surviving so well inside me all the past 9 months....

Anyhow, i realised i shld hv written down all the details of impending motherhood such as how i feel both emotionally and physically, when i started to feel what etc etc.. but somehow, being the lazy me, I did not do so.. and now, as i wait for my darling to emerge, I shall try to recall the whole process.

I only discovered I was preggy at 11 weeks. By then, when we went to the Doc, she already had a heartbeat! It was so unbelievable! Just like in drama serials, you cannot believe what you see and hear... I was so delighted but at the same time, apprehensive. I guess i'm not one of those typical ladies whose maternal clock ticks the moment they see a baby. I'm not one of those gushing women whose eyes melt when they set eyes on a baby.. I'm one of those 'Maybe i can do without a baby' kinda gal... At least until I heard the heartbeat. :P So happy as I was, I was also afraid of what was to come...

As in most cases, the belly did not start showing so there was a sense of disbelief for a few weeks that I was preggy. I suddenly thought of the sashimi and alcohol I had eaten in the past 3 months and wondered if it had harmed the baby. I also cringed when I thought of how I had jumped off the boat into cold waters when I was in Bali... and how I had rushed around the office in my heels trying to push out papers... What if something had happened? At that moment, I felt that my baby was a blessing and was going to be one strong baby.

Most people want to know whether the baby is a boy or gal... Of cos we were no different. We were unable to tell at the 4th month but everyone was guessing it was a boy because of the shape of the bump. Sharp and pointy - must be a boy! I had no preferences actually, just as long as the baby is healthy. By the 5th month, we went for a detailed scan (check structure of the body etc) and found out baby was to be a gal! So all those old wives tales about the shape of the belly are hogwash! There is more science to it. Anyway, we were going to have a daughter! We were both very happy.

At 6 months, the belly was already very obvious and it was then that we went to Australia for our very late honeymoon. Yes, 3 years after we had gotten married! V had been busy and I was teaching, making it difficult to get away for long periods of time. We had already booked the holiday long before we knew we were preggy. With the doc's blessings, we went to Aussie for 18 days. What glorious 18 days those were! Gorgeous sights, cool weather, great food (esp the milk and cheese) and most of all, it was STRESS free! I have not felt that way for such a long time. At home there are things to worry about - bills, parents, etc... At the office, there's deadlines, colleagues etc... But in Aussie, all was forgotten.... What a wonderful feeling! Each day passed and I wished we didn't hv to return....

Coming back was tough for me.. Returning to the grind of work made me miserable. Plus preggy women are always feeling like a furnace and the Singapore weather was not helping. I missed the cool air in Aussie... I was also getting larger everyday and climbing up the 3 flights of stairs to my office was not getting any easier. Thank goodness though, I have wonderful colleagues who encouraged me all the way, even offering to buy lunch for me. I don't know how to thank them, sometimes.

From then on, till now, we have been buying all the necessary stuff needed for baby... preparing the house (shifting furniture, cleaning up, washing laundry etc) and just anticipating her arrival. I have been a happy mummy, mostly because of V's love and support. He is such a wonderful person and it's during these times that I know that I've married the right man. Thankfully I have not let him down by throwing tantrums.. Although once or twice i have let the frustration get the better of me.. Being preggy makes you unable to do what you once used to.. For e.g.

1. Walk more slowly and like a penguin
2. Get hungry more easily
3. Get tired and fatigued more quickly
4. Lose concentration and become more forgetful
5. Feel like you are not contributing

And the list goes on.... but of cos it's not all bad because u get to:

1. Eat with wild abandon (well, almost)
2. Be pampered
3. Sleep all you want and no one calls you lazy
4. Gush about baby and no one gets bored
5. Get less work cos no one wants to stress you!

Back to the post title, we are still waiting.. Let's hope baby won't come too late! We really cannot wait to see her and her beautiful face. :)

Staying awake when it's rainy

2008-12-11T15:40:00.004+08:00

It's really hard to stay awake when it's rainy, especially now that I'm in the 3rd trimester. I am now staring out my office window, when I should be writing a paper for my boss. The rain is so heavy i can hardly see the block opposite me. Most of my colleagues are on leave, my bosses are attending a meeting outside of the officer and I am here wondering what i'm doing in the office! I wish to go back and sleep and also spend some time with Sara.

With the baby arriving soon, I wonder how much time I can really spend with Sara. I also have gotten the contact of a friend's cousin on how to ensure baby and rabbit get along. I thought we would restrict Sara to the kitchen but I really think it's going to be impossible, after she has enjoyed the freedom of roaming the house for the past 2 years. It's also not fair to her. Looks like we'll have to keep the house as fur free as possible, especially baby's room. V and I were talking the other day and wondered if we need to get the baby fence, not to shut out baby, but Sara! Ha ha ha.

Anyway, there are alot of adjustments to make when baby comes. We've only just cleared out one cupboard so that we can store her things, and we still need to move some furniture around because we didn't actually plan to have a baby so soon. Hence our study will now be converted into a baby room and V will have to be 'evicted' to the living room. I think he will like it there because he will be able to watch TV and surf the net all in one place. :)

Many of my colleagues have been sharing baby stories with me and I've also been reading alot of books and info on the net. Of course, there is still some apprehension that i'll be able to get the hang of breastfeeding and more importantly, ensuring that I don't spoil the child too much. Some of my friends take the soft approach with the child, because they don't want to scold or beat the child. I'm sure no parent wants to do that, but my experience with Primary school children is that it may not work well and some things, especially when it comes to building a values foundation, have to be enforced the hard way. I guess i'll have to learn as I go along, how to strike a balance.

Feeling a little better after typing out this post, but it's only 4pm! How am I going to survive till 6pm? Actually, it's not that I have no work to do, but I just feel like sleeping and have totally no inspiration to write this paper. I still have tomorrow to work on in it.. perhaps that's why I am procrastinating.

Baby!

2008-12-05T14:30:00.002+08:00

Here's a 3d photo of my baby's face! She's got my hubby's nose and looks like she might have big eyes. I'm hoping for that! :P

my birthday

2008-10-11T11:57:00.002+08:00

I recently turned 27 (almost 2 weeks ago) and had such a wonderful weekend! I had dinner with my folks on the 27th (sat) and we had such a good meal at home. We had a bbq, using one of those instant bbq sets from NTUC and lots of seafood!! We had cod, crab soup, wagyu beef, prawns and scallops! Could you believe that a slab of wagyu beef bought from the deli only costs $39 and it fed 6 of us? If you had eaten it at a restaurant, you'd be pretty broke by now!!

The other dinner i had was of course with lao gong. Though we didn't go out to eat, we had a yummy dinner at home, which he cooked. He has been cooking more recently, because of my growing bump and the fact that i can't stand in one spot for too long (or stand too long, for that matter)... Most recently, he cooked pork soup with ginseng and red dates! It was yummy and nutritious.

On the 3rd Oct, my gal pals from Guidance Branch celebrated my bday with me. Out of the 6 of us, 4 have already left the branch. We don't know how we came to be such good friends, only after being colleagues for a year.. some only a few months, but we can really talk and bond over dinner and drinks. I think it's the time we spent talking during lunches and during off peak season (dec holidays) and sharing of rather intimate things, that brought us together. They treated me to dinner at a ramen place in Robertson Quay, dessert at Canele's and also gave me a wonderful card and lots of Marks and Sparks biscuits! Knowing that i'm perpetually hungry these days, the biscuits were the perfect pressie. I really look forward to our monthly meetings.

I have yet to celebrate with XR and Mag, but it will come soon. I met them recently too and they were so excited about my bump! XR even wanted to be godma. Baby is certainly blessed cos he/she is going to have lots of godmas!! Oh yes, I went to the gynae on wed but baby was crouching.. didn't want to show! I guess we will be in suspense for a while...

Some pics of sara... i forgot to turn on the red eye correction, so she looks a bit scary. But i assure you, she's so lovable, meek and mild!!

sniffles

2008-09-18T22:51:00.002+08:00

Am down with the flu and a cough. Not sure where I caught it from, but it's not very pleasant because it disrupts my sleep at night and I have to stick a piece of tissue paper up my nose. The good thing, however, is that i get to rest at home and not check emails/write papers in the office. Thinking back to school days, it is a relief to be able to take MC and not feel bad. I used to feel guilty when i was sick, especially near to exam time, because the kids would come to school and have no teacher! I am glad those days are gone, really.

I'm not sure why I've been falling sick so often, despite the abundance of sleep I get. Could be the drop in immunity levels? I don't know, but it makes me feel weak... I guess it's natures way of telling me to rest.

V's out tonight, and I took a long afternoon nap earlier, so i'm up writing. The other day I told him that despite him being on night duty the past 2 weeks (tonight's the last nite!), I'm so thankful that i'm in Singapore. I remember the times in London, when I was staying in John Dodgson in my 3rd year, i would be awoken at 2am because some people downstairs are smashing bottles or fighting. I didn't even dare open my curtains to look in case they saw me and wanted to come after me. Yes, living in a foreign country makes you extra alert. Did you know that London has made me the light sleeper I am today? I used to sleep like a log but now, when V comes into the room, I know. Maybe it's preparing me for motherhood.

So yes, I am so glad to be here in safe Singapore. Of course, it has its share of murders and yes, Mas Selamat escaped (btw, it irks me to think of Min of HA giving ppl annoying answers in Parliament when asked how he escaped; but that story for another day)... but ultimately, I can still come home late at night and feel safe. I can stay alone at home at night with my windows open and not fear that something might happen. That said, i'm on the 13th floor, so i don't think any burglar or person in the right mind would want to risk a fall from that height. High rise flats are natural deterrents for such business.

It has been incredibly warm the past two days. If you ask me, i think it will rain tonight. Which means good sleep-in tomorrow, especially since i'm on MC. I am looking forward to waking up past 730 and awaiting V's return. I really don't know what I'd do without him!

11pm. I think i might go watch some TV and drink my nightly cup of milk. Pat Sara a bit and then go back to bed. I want to post up a very cute picture of her lying on my ikea rug but am a bit lazy to upload the photos, so i'll save it for another day. She is realllllly adorable and i will miss her when she's gone.

A year on..

2008-08-30T23:11:00.003+08:00

Wow! I didn't realise that i had not written for more than a year until i revisited my old blog (livejournal one) and clicked on the link to this blog...

It's nostalgic to read your old blogs, which detail the various experiences you once lived through and at the time seemed so real. Now, however, they seem like distant memories which you either refuse to recall or wonder if disbelief how you survived it all. And the present strikes you because it's so vastly different from those times.

I am still very happily married and will soon welcome an addition to the family! Baby (not sure boy or girl) is already a blessing in many ways. He/she has earned me 4 months maternity and as he/she is due in Mar 09, will help me serve out the remaining 3 months of my bond at home, blissfully away from the duties of civil servanthood, fully in mummy mode. Having a living thing with a heartbeat in you is a magical experience and I am loving every minute of it! Baby has been good and i've had little or no signs of morning sickness and don't punish V by driving out at 3 am to buy the Newton Char kway teow or Bak Kut Teh from Balestier....

Oh yes, V has lovingly bought a new pair of crocs (go take a look!) for me, which I can wear to work, and it is in a lovely shade of cotton candy. Thanks darling!

I hope that updating doesn't become a yearly affair because I really do miss writing. And it warms my heart that i don't write because I'm sad anymore... I write because I want to chronicle my life and the moments that make it mine. Looking at your baby via ultrasound has to count as one of the top moments for 2008. :)

on the topic of love..

2007-06-12T09:54:00.000+08:00

It is almost 2 years to the day i registered my marriage. Time certainly has flown by so quickly. It almost feels like yesterday.....

Thinking about it, it was (if there is such a thing called fate) FATE, that led V and I together. When we were in Uni, we were friends..having joined the Uni at the same time, in the same year. However, as he entered directly into year 2, we hung out with different groups of people and were in different courses. Besides, we were both seeing other people at the time, so there wasn't really any opportunity to be together.

The gf he was with during Uni, I thought, would be the one he would marry. They seemed so compatible and always had a lot of fun together. Also, they studied the same course and probably could understand each other better. Hence it was total surprise when he told me that they had broken up. Not that i was harbouring any thoughts, having myself been through a devastating heartbreak. It was just good timing.

He broke up with her in Apr, and I broke up with mine in Jun. Then I came back to Sg end of Jun and he returned to Sg in September, a day after my birthday. Somehow, because he was part of my ex's group of friends, I found solace in talking to him and sharing my heartbreak with him. V was always a good listener.

Then somehow, from listening to my sobbing and my words of disbelief and anger, we became closer. I was afraid that the feelings I shared with him were rebound feelings. And because he was such a nice guy, i felt it irresponsible to continue hanging out with him if what i felt for him centred on "rebound". He knew my concerns and assured me that i could take my time to slowly work through my fears and insecurities. Believe me, it was a great challenge to try and determine if my feelings were real or just transference.

He encouraged me to be positive, because after all, my ex was the one who had done me a disservice and it was his loss. His words of encouragement helped me back on my feet (of course, i cannot discount the support of my friends - all of them, esp CM, who tried to talk some sense into me) and allowed me to enjoy myself e.g. going to watch plays, going to the beach (that was what flawed me - i love the beach and somehow i think he knew...), having quiet drinks and going for long walks. The quality time he was willing to spend with me certainly gave me confidence that this was the man I've been looking for... and all along, he was right in front of me. That's why i call it fate....

Of course it doesn't mean that it was always so peachy. There were times when i collapsed from fear that he will somehow leave me, the insecurity that he will love me but turn out to be someone i didn' tknow was still apparent. Even a year after the breakup, there were still some things I could not resolve. Instead of getting upset with me, V just asked me to take my time. I knew it hurt to talk about my ex to him, and others were telling me to cherish V and stop thinking about that b**tard. I knew what was the right thing to do, but my heart was weak. I still could not understand how he could cheat on me after all i had given to him.

Anyhow, i guess time does heal. I finally allowed myself to love V totally and give him all that i could. And without that, i guess i would not be married today. I might be living the single life, meeting friends, partying and just doing things for the moment, when i want to....... It all sounds wonderfully free, but having the man who loves you be so devoted to you... I think that beats the freedom anytime.

Since i am in the mood...

2007-06-11T16:52:00.000+08:00

Yes, mood's the word today so i'm filling this up.... sent to me by J long time ago... here goes...

____________________________________________

Three things that scare me:
1. Growing old and being ill
2. Losing love
3. Losing close friends

Three people who make me laugh:
1. Hubby
2. TS
3. Char

Three things** (hubby would not constitute a thing) I love :
1. Rabbits
2. Spicy food
3. Kisses

Three things I hate:
1. Injustice
2. rules
3. Pot calling kettle black

Three things I don't understand:
1. How some people can harm others intentionally
2. Sciencey stuff (yet i am about to embark on a MSc...)
3. Why must women have periods!?

Three things on my (work)desk:
1. Water bottle
2. Chinese dumpling (given to me today)
3. Pencil box

Three things I'm doing right now:
1. Blogging
2. Waiting for the clock to strike 6
3. Thinking about my rabbits at home

Three things I want to do before I die:
1. Travel the world
2. Swim with dolphins
3. Eat the world's best cuisine

Three things I can do:
1. Play badminton
2. Cook
3. Relate well to others

Three things you should listen to:
1. Good music (with singer)on a Fri night
2. Advice from mother
3. What your hubby is not saying

Three things you should never listen to:
1. Trashy music with lots of swear words
2. Annoying people (yes they are things)
3. Walkman that is too loud

Three things I'd like to learn:
1. How to travel the world when you are broke
2. Positive Psychology
3. How men really think

Three favourite foods:
1. Roast Pork
2. Sambal fish (cooked by mom)
3. Tom Yam Kung (prawn mood now)

Three beverages I drink regularly:
1. Water
2. Chrysanthemum tea
3. Milk tea

Three TV shows / books I watched / read as a kid:
1. Smurfs
2. Tom & Jerry
3. Heathcliff

5 Languages of Love

2007-06-11T16:40:00.000+08:00

Did you know that there are 5 languages of love?

Was having lunch with my colleagues today and she was talking about her wonderfully romantic husband, and my other colleague S and I were just staring at her in disbelief. "Why don't I have a husband like yours?" S moaned. Somehow, i also felt like whining. Of course, i wouldn't give mine up for the world, because he is very yummy.

Anyway, yes, she mentioned that there is this thing called 5 Languages of Love. Basically, it seems that people respond to different things that are done for them and there are 5 categories/languages - Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affection, Acts of Service and Physical Touch (not just sex, of course). There is a quiz you can do online to find out what is your language. The website is http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/

After doing the test, i found out that my language is Quality Time, meaning that the best way my hubby can show that he loves me is to spend quality time. I think his is Acts of Service (i.e. action speaks louder than words). So the theory goes that once you know his or her language, then to show your love and make him/her happy, then do things in his language, so that they will love you so much and never want to leave you.

Note: Not all men go for physical touch! :P

Anyhow, i know i've not posted for a long time. I guess i just didn't have the mood. I dunno about other people, but I definitely need a mood to write. Actually, come to think of it, i need a mood to do most things...

More about X

2007-02-08T17:34:00.000+08:00

No, i'm not talking about X-tasy... but Mr X. I started by talking about how we had drifted apart and how sad it is when love gets in the way of friendship, especially when it's not mutual. Then again, it's hard to stay friends with someone whom you've had feelings for but not reciprocated.

So anyway, here's another story about what he did for me.

________________

It was New year's eve. We were all at X's place for potluck as usual. About 20 of us gathered at his big house (rented, of course) to celebrate new year's eve. It was a fun evening, but i spent the whole evening whom I was going to do the countdown with. Yes, at that time, I was preoccupied with such stuff, nitty gritty though it may be. I wanted to spend it with K, whom I was really very much into, but then X and everyone else in the house was going someplace else.

At about 10pm, everyone was getting ready to go. By then, I had already made plans to meet K at Big Ben. X and company decided, however, to go to Trafalgar Sq. Not that it was really that far away, but about 10 mins walk. Far enough. Anyhow, X came to ask me whether i was going to meet K. He knew that i liked K and had already been liking him for awhile. You would think he'd try to persuade me to go with him, right? since i was already at his house... but no, he said that if i were to go and meet K, he would walk me there. Such a gentleman, no? I must've been stupid to turn him down! But, love of a man can twist your brain and cloud your mind.

So we left the house around 1045pm and headed in the general direction. Taking a bus and a tube and finally out at Trafalgar Sq station. Because of the crowd getting there, we arrived very close to midnight. X walked me to meet K, despite my protests. In fact, I even remember telling him, "Don't do this to yourself? Why make yourself miserable?" Obviously, you would feel terrible right? Here, this guy was willing to walk me to meet his 'competitor'! His reason? There were many drunk people who might disturb me or do something to me along the way and it wasn't safe. 3 minutes to midnight we reached Big Ben. He gave me a hug and ran off in the opposite direction. I looked at him and wondered whether I should have even allowed him to send me to K. Seriously, i felt awful. I knew that he would not be able to make it back to the group in time.. Maybe cos of the number of phone calls, he would not even be able to meet up with them. He'd have to spend New year countdown running in midst of strangers! My heart ached. When I saw K, of course, i was happy... but guess what he said when he first saw X? In typical dominant male fashion, he said, 'Why was he hugging you?' What a contrast in behaviour. K was a total b***ard. I should've known earlier eh? But... as the saying goes, "Nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai". Translated, it simply means 'if men ain't bad, women wouldn't love them'. I vote to throw this saying out the window!!

Anyhow, my reflections on this episode were plenty. On the one hand, X touched my heart, just like during the Valentines' Day date. On the other hand, I was already in love with K. It was such a difficult decision to make. All i wanted was for someone to make the decision for me. Of course, in the end i chose K, and it ended badly, but i've never regretted that love we shared. It was special, no matter what.

Can we live without our friends?

2007-02-04T23:38:00.000+08:00

I had lunch with a friend last week. This friend used to be after me and we used to be able to have such wonderful conversations, into the night and to be able to share a common bond. Yet at lunch last week, things were not the same. Uncomfortable, distant and somewhat... too cordial. The closeness we shared will never come back again. Sometimes, I wonder if it is all because love got in the way of things? Things are never the same once friends cross the line into love, yet it's always worth a shot.

This bond all started over a drink at Hyatt's Mezzanine bar. We happened to go for a drink after bumping into each other on the bus and somehow or rather ended up on the topic of LOVE. Yes, that big word, that makes the world go round.. At least for me. As we chatted, I realised that X and I shared the same outlook on love.. that is, love is everything and to truly give yourself to someone and love that person wholeheartedly is a feeling that is undoubtedly the best feeling in the whole world. At that moment, it clicked. We were one.

Of course, I had no romantic feelings for X and neither did he, at least i think not, at the time. We maintained our closeness and he supported me through many difficult times, and I thought the conversation would never die. In the course of our friendship, we became close and it was only some time later that i realised he had started to love me. I was, however, tragically so, in love with someone else (who would later turn out to break my heart).

However, X did not give up. He was a true gentleman and never pressurized me. In fact, he was just so nice and wonderful to me, that I truly understood what it meant when you love totally without condition. Even upon finding out that I liked another, he asked me to 'follow my heart' even if it meant 'stepping himself in the foot'. Where can one find a man like that? I suppose, at the time, though touched, I never found it in myself to love him. At least, not romantically. I always had a soft spot for him, but it was not romantic.

X brought me out to dinner one night and when he arrived, there he was, in a suit, holding a rose in his hand. It was a day before Valentines Day. He said it was extremely embarrassing to be holding a rose all the way in the tube. I was , to say the least, getting softer inside. Then of course, in true chivalry, he took me somewhere cosy for dinner and 'money was no object'. We were both students then. Dinner was over conversation and of course, I tried to make clear that though I had agreed dinner with him, it was no obligation to start going out with him.

After dinner, he took me to a park. It seems cheesy but my heart was racing. What was going to happen? Would it all take a dramatic turn and we'd be wrapped in each others' arms? Was he going to profess his love for me and take me home? In the end, he brought me a to a tree and asked me if i was ready to climb. He pulled out a bottle of champagne and two glasses and up the tree we went. Drinking champagne on a tree, in the middle of Winter, in a middle of a park! How much more could I take? I wanted to jump into his arms and let him take me. Yet i held my cool and once again, told him that i needed time. Again, he asked me not to think about it, and just enjoy the view from up the tree. By the way, the champagne was fantastic. I don't know if it was the environment or what, but i still have that glass till today. Call me a sucker for nostalgia.

He sent me home, of course, that night. One would expect, in western terms, that we'd end up in bed or something, but no... it was all very innocent, just a peck on the cheek and a goodnight hug. It was all very overwhelming for me...

Sometimes I do wonder what would have happened if i ended up with X. Would i marry him today? Would it have been an extremely passionate relationship, given that we were both hopeless romantics and believed nothing but that LOVE could do anything? I don't know, and it doesn't matter.

Bringing bee home part 2

2007-01-27T23:56:00.000+08:00

And back to the story.

*********
Bee became a pet to class 3G, who loved him very much. He was let out during lesson time, as was used to tame the students. When they were naughty, their teacher would say, "You must behave because otherwise, the rabbit would be scared." And in their naivete, they would believe her. Every weekend, he would go home to my colleague or another colleague. So went on his life for a few weeks. When the March holidays came, it seemed no one was able to take in the rabbit. Knowing that I loved rabbits, my colleague approached me to ask if i could take him for the March holidays. Of course, i couldn't wait! I was hoping they'd ask me in the first place! So, cage in hand, and without asking the permission of Mum, i brought him back for the March hols.

He was so sweet and refused to come out the cage. Well behaved, so we thought. Mum was besotted! She would talk to him and feed him vegetables, almost like the old Bee. When he was more confortable, he would come out of the cage, but didn't venture far. How were we to know he had hare instincts?? When the time came for him to go back to school, Mum was heartbroken. It was just a matter of time before she asked if we could keep him. I had to think of a plan.

I approached my colleague and told her that bringing the rabbit to and fro and exposing him to naughty kids was bad for his health. It was no way for a rabbit to live. And since I was willing to become his owner, could i take him? After little consideration, she nodded his head. He was officially ours! I was so excited to take him home and love him, and Mum was delighted. He would soon show his true colours, by coming out the cage and jumping all around - on the sofa, the bed and dashing all over the house. His dashing, we've come to know now, is called binkying. And rabbits only binky when they're happy. We were happy that he was happy. Come to think of it, we called him 'siao', but perhaps his 'siao'ness was a reflection of how satisfied he was living with us. :)

So that was how Bee came to live in the Yeo household. He brought so much joy to our lives. Before he was sterilised, he really behaved like a hare. When he was let out, he would jump on the sofa and go crazy! Attacking the pillows, tunnelling in and out of the several pillows that lay on the sofa were normal. He was particularly fond of mum and would always want to pounce on her. The look he had in his eye was pure determination. Once, she held out a cushion to prevent him from jumping onto her and guess what he did? He used his strong hind legs and leapt over the pillow and eventually still landed up on her lap! Boy, was she stunned beyond words. All she could do after that was pat him and shower him with even more attention. He certainly knew who had the softest spot for him, and used it to his advantage. But he was a mean fellow, and has left me two permanent scars on my arm. His way of reminding me never to forget him, I suppose. How can i?

*************

So, the legacy of yet another Bee lives on in my blog. In part 3, i'll blog about some of the things i remember most about the Bee and post up some pics and a video, if possible.

Bringing Bee home Part 1

2007-01-26T13:32:00.000+08:00

The title has two meanings. One, the story of how Bee came into our lives in the first place and two, where he rests now.

Let's talk about number two first. We brought him home in a porcelain jar last week, a week after his death and could think of no other place to put him, than in the room where he spent his last days. He is now sitting on a shelf in the room, where Sara still is. We've decided to keep Sara and to love her as much as we can, instead of giving her away. That kind of decision is not easy to make even as the pain of Bee's death weighs upon us... But Sara is not a toy, she cannot simply be given away just because we are devastated about Bee. When i walk to the room, it just doesn't seem the same. I still call his name, but see no hyper bunny come hopping towards me, an earnest look in his eye. Getting over his death is going to be difficult, even though we kept him for only 3 years.

*************

Rewind 3 years to 2004. I was still a student in NIE, on practicum at Kuo Chuan Presbyterian Primary School. Practicum was a stressful time because we had to be evaluated on our delivery of lessons and even the lesson plans that we crafted. Though we had reduced number of periods, it was still challenging as we had to eat humble pie and acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses. One day, after coming down from class, I noticed a box near my colleague's table. When i looked into it, there sat a small brown rabbit! Rabbits, in case you guys don't know, are my passion. Seeing them just makes my day! This rabbit was small, had his paws spread open. This open splay would be one of the things we remember about Bee. We would call him 'samseng' because it was as if he sat with his legs wide spread. Anyway, he seemed lonely and i started patting him. I soon found out that his owner had left the country and put him with a pet shop. My colleague happened to pass by and thought of adopting him as a school rabbit. So began Bee's journey in KCPPS.

*************

The rest of his journey will be continued later. As you can read, he eventually ended up in our house. How he did that, well you will read in parts 2 or 3. Meantime, let's hope Bee is happy on the Rainbow Bridge. They say that the rainbow bridge houses all the rabbits who have left this world and up there, they are happily playing with an abundance of carrots and grass. I imagine him up there, and it brings me comfort.

Goodbye Bee

2007-01-13T23:27:00.000+08:00

My beloved rabbit Bee passed away today at around 4.45pm. He was in my hands, and as he wheezed to take his last breath, I could not believe what was happening. Everything happened to fast. The diagnosis? Gastrointestinal Stasis - almost always fatal in rabbits and their condition can deteriorate in 12 hours. In Bee's case, he only had 5 hours.

Come to think of it, it was pure luck that we spotted him feeling unwell. We (V and I) went over to Mum's place at 12 noon to talk about some things. We were supposed to go over at 2pm, but there were some last minute changes so we ended up there at noon. When i walked over to say hi to the rabbits (as per normal), I noticed that Bee was flattened out in the cage, almost the whole length of it. That was abnormal, as he usually did not spend time in the cage, except to poo or to wait for food, and never lying down the way he did. As I examined him, I realised his bottom was wet and that he did not seem to want to move.

We then tried to feed him his favourite pellets... to which he would normally try so hard to get by jumping up and down and running in circles with Sara, our other rabbit, to prevent her from getting the food. Today, however, when we put the bowl in front of him, he scarcely moved. It was a clear sign that something was seriously wrong.

We called many vets and finally got an appointment with Namly Place Animal Clinic. The earliest they could make was 2.30pm. Thinking that was a long time to wait, we proceeded to Joyous Vet in Choa Chu Kang, to see if the walk in queue was shorter. Of course, we were dismayed when it took us 10 mins to even get to the registration counter. In the end, we went back to Namly in Bukit Timah. By this time, Bee was quite weak and his ears were cold. We covered him with a blanket, but he was visibly uncomfortable and kept fidgeting in the box.

When we saw the doctor, she said that he was in bad shape and the next 24 hours would be crucial. He most probably had gastrointestinal stasis, a condition in which the rabbit's gut just stops moving. She put a stethoscope to his gut and there was no sound at all. Following her diagnosis, she gave him a painkiller jab, followed by a vitamin jab to boost him. We thought that he would slowly pick up after that...

Sadly, by the time we had reached home, Bee was even weaker and when i took him out the box, he limped to the cage and slumped there, occasionally squirming about. The doc said we should let him rest, but at the same time be by his side... which we did. However, at 4.40pm he whimpered and stumbled out of the cage, collapsing on his side. Then he wheezed and gasped.... and i could feel his heart slowly stop beating. It was devastating, and seriously, I felt so helpless thinking of what I could do to help him. We massaged his gut and his heart, thinking of jolting him back to life.... Of course, to no avail. We just had to accept that he had just left us.

The suddenness of the whole thing is harder to accept than the fact that he is no longer around. We brought him to Mount Pleasant Animal Hospital where he will be cremated and his ashes put in an urn. Yes, he meant that much to us, and will always be fondly remembered. I wish he was still around, hopping happily when I walk near him and running away with a carrot to prevent Sara from getting her share. He was one crazy rabbit - we fondly call him 'harebit' because he looked and behaved more like a crazy hare.

Somehow, this loss is no easier than the last, because it is permanent. I know i won't be seeing him when i go to mum's place, and the only memories I have are the pictures in my computer and the very precious videos I have of him. Thank goodness for the digital age... I at least have some videos of him running and dashing about. Sigh, life certainly is fragile.

When i am up to it, I will write about how we came to acquire Bee in the first place. He certainly brought alot of joy and was a great companion to my mum. I guess, she will be more affected by his passing than I am, as she spends more of her time with him, feeding him and patting him. Now that he is up there somewhere, I'm sure he will look down and be happy that he had such a loving 'mummy'.

Bye bye Bee, I love you and miss you already.

Merry Xmas!

2006-12-26T14:01:00.000+08:00

So another year has passed by and this year, it's no different! Before I forget, merry xmas to all out there! May your wishes come true.

Sometimes we make wishes that are tremendously materialistic - like, "I hope to have a 30 inch LCD TV" or "I hope my parents will get me the latest mobile phone with 3G function" when for many people out there, their only wish is survival and passing each day. Working in devastated nations or in places where rescue is required must change the perspective of life. Suddenly everything in our very fast-paced materialistic life seems... blah. It just makes us wonder why we spent so much time worrying about whether we will be getting a big/small bonus, or whether you will be able to go holidaying in the new year of 2007 etc etc... When others out there just wish to have shelter over their heads.

The mini flood that struck the flower gardens in Thomson Road last week made me ponder about those who are currently stuck in floods in Johor province. Rescue efforts are going on and up to 8 people have perished in the floods. Is Mother Nature telling us that the world is coming to an end? The tsunami last year was a sobering reminder that when it comes down to it, we humans are weak and easily destroyed. So what if there are billions of us around? Only a handful of people, like the conservationists, realise that humans are destroying this world around us. This world which has given us everything - gorgeous scenery, food, a house to live in - and yet the way we ravish it in return, just for our own pleasures... must make it seem that we are highly ungrateful.

Though it seems that i'm really sad and affected by everything around us, I am determined to make others aware of the need for conservation. People may laugh or even shrug it off, but i think it's time I do something that i really feel passionate about. This shall be my new year's resolution, though i don't quite know how i'm going about it. I shall do something about it.

A very merry xmas to you all and to my darling, happy 1 year anniversary. (And a separate letter to you, my baby.)

Happy new year in advance!

Jewellery

2006-12-16T20:04:00.000+08:00

I've gotten my hands on some jewellery and am selling them on ebay! They're brand new and really nice! Plus, they are unique and affordable - you can buy one to match each outfit!

Check out my stuff at

http://cgi.ebay.com.sg/Ethnic-earrings-jewellery-christmas-present-gift_W0QQitemZ140064915788QQihZ004QQcategoryZ15738QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Cheers!

Weddings galore!

2006-11-26T11:23:00.000+08:00

Weddings weddings weddings! V and I have 7 weddings to attend in the next 5-6 weeks. Most of them are our UCL friends and some others include colleagues and an uncle! Yes, my uncle is getting married! A widower, he lost his wife 4 years ago to cancer and now is remarrying. How sweet! Makes me have hope that love can be found at any age.

It’s almost been a year since our wedding and I have to say, it’s been G-R-E-A-T! A fantastic learning journey so far, and am looking forward to the rest of the time we have together. Many people view weddings as romantic things. Some part of it is romantic, when the couple reveal how they met and how they fell in love and stare dreamily into each others’ eyes, but a lot of practical things are going on in the background just to make sure they can stare dreamily without having to worry about where the ang pow box is, whether the guests are enjoying the food etc etc. Many people have to be thanked for it to be a success. And I have to say, that ours was. When I look back at the photos, we have so many people to thank. It all ran so smoothly and best of all, the food was great. For a foodie like me, food is seriously important. So much so that when we went for food tasting, we spoke to the chef to give him direct feedback. He did a great job for the wedding, with feedback that the food was yum! By the way, it was at the Hotel Intercontinental, next to Bugis Junction. Many people did not know it was a 5 star hotel. But it is, in its own humble way. A peranakan hotel, it has a quiet charm to it, far different from the Ritz Carltons and the Four Seasons. Doesn’t mean it’s a whole lot cheaper. Even the suite was so cosy! Just like being at home, only you don’t have to clean up after! J

V has some friends coming over to our place today, so I’ve just finished sweeping and mopping the house and am waiting for the floor to dry before I tidy up the bedroom. Seriously, I’m such a slacker when it comes to housework. I can procrastinate till no end.

Anyway, V’s almost back so it’s time to go prepare lunch. I swear, I’m turning into a complete housewife!

Alerts aplenty

2006-09-14T18:23:00.000+08:00

The date September 11 rings a bell in most heads because it changed the world: the whole world has become a playground for the terrorists who are targeting the Americans and foreigners in the name of Islam.

I have been following the series Zero Hour on National Geographic (Ch 11 on Cable TV) and it has been a chilling reminder of how easy it is to get on board an aircraft or in fact, to get into a country with seemingly strict immigration laws. Maybe the situation now is different, with threats of bombs coming from shoes – shoe bomber, and even contact lens solution – liquid explosives! It certainly has made air travel much less pleasurable and much more dangerous.

As I watch the series, which continues tonight, I am thankful for the peace we have in Singapore. I wonder how many people feel the same way. If we were living in America, things would be different. Even going to school might be a perilous journey, who knows?

I am also thankful that I have loved ones who are still alive and part of my life. When it comes down to it, I would rather spend each day with my loved ones, as if it were my last, then to do something independent and regret each day that you were apart from the people important to you. People say that we should live life to the fullest, and I try to live by that mantra, but seriously, with work in the way, our fullest life includes working 12 hour days and coming home late, only to have enough energy to eat dinner and then collapse on the bed afterward. Full, fat and unhealthy.

Which brings me to my next point/grouse. Work-life balance. I want to live a fulfilling life that doesn’t include slogging at work. Is that supposed to be the way we are challenged i.e. slogging greater hours makes you a better worker? I mean… it’s just not the way life is supposed to be led. Life is supposed to be full of fun, laughter and of course, some pain. But the pain should not come from Work! Work is just a way to pass our time.. wouldn’t we want to do something more interesting and satisfying e.g. going on a expedition to help poor children in 3rd world countries or going to explore unknown countries and communities? Work in an office is like being in pigeon hole – caught up and depressing. Which is why more and more therapists are needed to “counsel” people on the need to maintain a healthy balance between living life and work.

Why do people allow work to consume them? If not for the pleasure of it all, it must be for the money. Does it really show/mean that money drives the world? Money make the world go round? Why does it have to be that way??

** Note: Idealist alert!!

Anyway, enough ranting. I am feeling tired from dreaded work and want to nap. Time to go to the soft bean bag in my hall and zzz till V comes back to go jogging with me.
**Note: Fool alert! I am taking part in the 10km Standard Chartered Run…. L

simple vs complex

2006-08-19T22:17:00.000+08:00

I am a complicated person. There are so many things that I want to do, but I cannot. There are so many things I wish I can do, but deemed socially unacceptable or morally wrong. Or at least I think society deems so. I hate being governed by rules, I want to do anything and everything just because! Yet we live in this practical world, where people can’t live without simple rules of life. Even living this life, there are rules! I don’t like it. I am an emotionally complicated person too. I am not a practical person. I do something because I want to, not because it is a calculated decision. If I want to go to the beach, I hope I don’t have to worry about the weather. And if it does rain when I get there, I guess I’ll just be in my bikini, playing in the rain, and enjoying every single moment of it.

Does that make me a simple person? Content with something so simple as unexpected rain? I think I just don’t fit in with the world around me. The world which seems to want us to be more complicated than we are. For instance, Shakespeare, I’m guessing, never meant many of the things that humans seem to interpret from his text, yet Literature students delve into every single line, read between every single word to find out what Shakespeare really meant. What if he only meant the obvious things? Does it mean he probably was less complicated and gifted than people believe? I don’t know…

There have been occasions in which I have taken the less traveled path, went down that path based on instinct alone, and it burnt me. So now I opt for the tried and tested route, safe and sound, knowing that the life will resemble a plateau, with few ups and downs and mostly staying along the flat line. But it doesn’t satisfy me. I want more. I want those ups and downs that come with the experience. I like the intensity of emotions – utter joy and jubilation and also along with it utter sorrow and desperation. I know it’s silly to also include the sorrow, but hey, it’s not realistic to say that we can only experience extreme and intense happiness. I seem to like being intense. Passion. Love. I can live on these two things alone. Give me Air to go with it too, please. Other than that, you can chuck out money, practicality and all the rules in the world. Such is the person I am.

V says I am simple, but the world is forcing me to be complicated. I am at friction with the world and myself. What an enviable state to be in… Anyone out there feels the same way? Let’s go jump in the sea in the middle of the night! After all, there are no sharks in Singapore waters, are there?

Happy postings!

2006-08-10T09:44:00.000+08:00

I thought that since i am in a rather good mood, after having found my camera, that I will post up some pictures of some recent places Ive been to. Actually, some of them are months back, but still worth mentioning.

Jazz at Siloso Beach with Deirdre and
Lynette! (Free of charge)

Drinks with them, Chern Min and Grace
at KM8 (after Jazz). I love the cute tepee-
like thing we are sitting under.

My cousin Chris when he was back for
a visit. We're only 6 days apart in age.

A recent trip to Bali with V, my sis and
bro-in-law. Couldn't resist posing with
the statue, with flowers inserted in its
ears. The Balinese are such gentle pple.

Found!!

2006-08-10T09:40:00.000+08:00

Guess what? Of all the lucky turns, my camera has been found! It was with my colleague, who had mistaken it for hers. Reading my distressed email, she checked her bag and it was in there, together with hers. Yahoo! At least I won’t have to buy one now.

Pictures will be up soon as I get my beloved cam back. Did you know I bought that camera with my first bonus in 2003, my first half year of work? It reminds me that I’ve actually been in the service for coming to 3 years now. Time does fly.

Lost my camera! :(

2006-08-08T14:52:00.000+08:00

Just when I thought I’d upload some funny pictures, I cannot find my camera. I left it on my colleague’s table or mine, went around to talk to my colleagues, and voila, it is gone! Moan! Although it is 3 years old, it was bought with my first working salary! It has sentimental value, people, and sadly, I have been careless with it. I remember holding onto it so carefully till I reached the staffroom, knowing it’d not be safe when the students were around. Sadly, it seems that it’s not even safe in the staffroom. One can never be too careful.

I hope someone has taken it and kept it safely for me. My only consolation is that the LED light indicator showing when it has finished charging is spoilt. However, knowing me, it was far from being rendered ‘throwable’ or ‘replaceable’. I still enjoyed using it.

I’m just thankful that nothing sensitive is on the camera, just a shot of me and my colleagues. If anyone sees that picture, I hope they return it to me! I want my camera back… sigh. New camera for my birthday, anyone? I would be most appreciative and glad.

This is probably a wake up call for me, right? Time to be more careful with my belongings. Problem is, now, I’m just not in the mood to do anything. I keep trying to retrace my steps to see where it is, but somehow it just doesn’t add up! If I had left it on my colleague’s table or mine, it should be there. The office staff said no student had walked by. Oh, camera, where art thou? Moan.

Have already sent out an email to everyone, hoping against hope that someone has taken it by mistake. Though, it is also true, as my other colleague so rightly put it, who would take it and not realize it’s not theirs? Meaning, of course, that if it was taken, it was on purpose and I’d never see it again. I have to be realistic that it’s most probably gone. Whine!

If only there was a beeping device on it for me to trace it. Too many CSI movies do affect you in some way.

Cheesecakes and politics

2006-08-04T22:54:00.000+08:00

Ok so I did promise to up some pics, so here they are. The first one you see is one of the cheesecake that I made. It tasted great then, but the texture left much to be desired. It was actually quite wobbly… because I had put cling film over it, causing it not to harden well. So anyway, I tried another recipe with longan and vanilla essence, which turned out nice, but a little too rich for me..Yes, even for me! So finally, the most recent test was the best! A full digestive crust with lots of butter, then lemon juice for the cheese mixture and once again, peaches for the top! It’ll be even nicer with strawberries, I guess.

My next attempt would be to make banana pudding. It’s very sinful though, so I’m waiting for the 3 cheesecakes (or part thereof) to be digested.

It’s been an interesting week at work. Lots of politics going on and the school management, I have to say, is overwhelmed at this moment. I am foreseeing a lot of movement and discontent. My guess is there will be a mini eruption sometime soon. When, exactly, I am not sure, but my sixth sense is sensing something. Am just glad that I will not be part of it. And am even more glad, that I stayed far away from it from the beginning. Thanks to my intuition.

2006-08-04T22:48:00.000+08:00

My cheesecake!

2006-08-04T22:46:00.000+08:00

UCL Gang at our place

What a week!

2006-07-23T15:39:00.000+08:00

It’s been quite a week! The school just launched itself as a Centre of Excellence for the English Language just two days ago, and so many people were up to their necks in work. I guess you could say it was a success and many were saying that someone up there was watching over us. While I am not a believer in God, I guess things did somehow pull together. Somehow!

Next week’s not going to be any lighter though. I’ve got a presentation on Tuesday afternoon, which I have to prepare for, and on Wednesday I’m bringing my kids to the Zoo. That’ll be fun! I really do like going to the Zoo and seeing all the fascinating animals nature has to offer. I hope the kids don’t talk to their relatives. Chuckle.

After July is over, I bet we can all have a breather. It’s been a killer month, and so many trips out! First, it was the National Education show for all P5s, then it was Sungei Buloh for their learning journey, then the Zoo! Oh I’ve forgotten, they actually went to the Science Centre for a DNA lesson, which was very interesting. I do hope to be a student again. Speaking of which, I hope to be able to take a Masters in Counselling or counseling Psychology when I can, maybe after the bond (2.5 years to go, yippee!). Else, I think I’ll go nuts from all this working. Give me studying anytime, with pay! (In my dreams.. of course)

We went to the IKEA sale yesterday. It was great! So many things to buy, mostly things we need, but of course, many things we don’t need but WANT! I just love that store…. Especially all the beautiful colours. Did you watch the Amazing Race episode where they had to go the super huge store in Sweden? It was simply fantastic. Someone, fly me there now! I will never leave… Ha ha.

Oh, V’s calling me for a game of pool Ta ta for now!

Housewarmings

2006-07-16T12:02:00.000+08:00

I was looking through my blog the other day and realized that I have not been blogging since 30th April! Wow, that’s a good two months without writing. It means I am happy. Haha.. Yes, people, I generally blog when I am upset. Beats me why I have not inspiration to write when I am happy. Perhaps I am just floating up there somewhere in the clouds!

That aside, V is back from Italy but soon due to go off somewhere else, for 4 days. At least it’s a very reasonable period to be away for, much less compared to the 3.5 months he was away for.

We’ve settled in nicely into our apartment and I’m so happy with it! The simple yet chic design has brought us many compliments. And of course, we have our designer to thank for it. And ourselves, of course. Anyway, yes, we’ve been having many housewarmings with small groups of friends. Most people want to use our pool table and others just sit around to chit chat, or enjoy our bean bag sofa. We seem to have many features in the house, but it still retains its simplicity. We also bought furniture that can easily be moved to accommodate the size of the group.

Recently, I had my cousins and their partners over for drinks on a Friday night, and I cooked mushrooms wrapped in bacon, chocolate fondue and also made a guacamole dip! All courtesy of allrecipes.com (www.allrecipes.com) It’s a website where people share recipes that are simple to prepare but taste oh so good! Two nights ago, I invited the UCL people over, and I made a no bake cheesecake which was yum! Although the texture wasn’t quite right, they all agreed it tasted good. I am so happy! Cooking is turning out to be my new passion. It nicely fits in with the fact that I’m an ultimate foodie and getting fatter everyday. Oops, don’t tell V.

Anyhow, my friends overseas, I hope that one day you can too come to see my beautiful apartment, because I am just so happy living in it. It brings me such joy to come home and find a place I am so comfortable with. Pictures soon to come.

Labourious Day

2006-04-30T10:35:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow will be Labour Day! That means only 10 days to V’s return. I am ecstatic, to say the least. He’s back just in time for the Vesak day holiday… Hopefully there will also be an extra day to make up for the election holiday. Then we can have a 4 day weekend. Woo hoo!

Anyway, just found out that many of my friends are getting hitched! I guess it’s that time of our lives when people are settling down and making plans for the future. Watching a bunch of JC students on the MRT yesterday made me think of the time long ago, when our only worry was studying and the main focus was actually having fun with our friends. Then in University, it was the same, only Uni in London meant extra time for fun and less time for studying, which to me, was the right balance to maintain one’s sanity. Now, with worklife, there’s so such thing as pontang and writing letters to excuse us from work. It is really much more serious and every little thing that you do is scrutinized. I guess this is what they mean by going through various stages in life. When you finally leave a stage, all you have are memories, which you can look back upon, but mostly you do there’s a certain sense of finality to it. You can’t really turn back and say, “Hey, why didn’t I enjoy myself more?” or “Hey, why can’t we go back to feeling carefree?” There’s really no turning back time.

Well, to me, it’s a natural progression. I’m happy with my life right now. The only thing that is plaguing me is the fact that my job sometimes can get very frustrating and infuriating, and that many things are not within my control, like it or not. Of course, most people experience the same thing. Hopefully, one day, I will be owning my own business and being my own boss… rather than having to succumb to the leadership of someone else… Being unable to control certain decisions e.g. I want to wear jeans to work! I want to wear certain types of shoes etc etc.. can be very stifling.

Doing the final bit of packing now… Hope to finish in time for my badminton game tonight.

18 days and counting

2006-04-22T12:39:00.000+08:00

Yeah! It’s the 22nd of April – which means my darling will be home soon! Exactly 18 days to go! Yes, I’ve started the countdown long before this actually, but soon it’ll be single digit. I simply cannot wait! The house is waiting for us to occupy… finally the real start to my married life. It’s so exciting! Yes, yes I’m gushing… but who wouldn’t if you have put so much into the house that you’ve always wanted and get to share it with the person you’ve decided to marry? Oh.. I’m sooo happy!

Oops, maybe for those who are reading this you might feel overwhelmed by the sudden gushing and mushiness. Heh. Well, I’m sorry then! You’ve just gotta put up with it. :P

The next few weeks see 2 public holidays – Vesak day and labour day. Labour Day is on the May the 1st and most probably I’ll be packing up the things in my house.. which I am supposed to be doing now, but am a little lazy. But on Vesak day, May 12th, he’ll be back! Oh joy of joy! Finally I will not have to do things on my own. It’s hard to be independent, yet at the same time, it’s not good to always be too dependent.. Why don’t I ever learn? Sigh

Ok.. enough rambling. I’m off to pack up the things that are under my bed. Accumulating under my bed and collecting dust! Must get most packing done by today, then finish marking.

6 weeks down

2006-03-19T22:36:00.000+08:00

6 weeks down

8 weeks to go. I am encouraged! My hubby will be back soon and I won’t be alone anymore! Not that I’m lonely, just missing him dearly. While he has been away, I’ve had so many things to do! Work, the house and many other things to manage… It’s all a good challenge though. Thank goodness for friends and cousins who have been keeping me company.

Well, the good news is, the house is almost done and soon I’ll be able to move some stuff over! What’s left is the sofa… Am thinking of getting bean bags instead of sofas. This place has cool designs – www.beanbagmart.com and best of all, they have double seater sofas! ( Whee.

Anyway, the one week school holiday is over and actually I didn’t get much of a holiday – 3 day dance course and 1 day supplementary and preparation for school reopening has basically meant little time for enjoyment and meeting friends. Sniff sniff.

Back to school then. I might be posted out end of the year – am looking forward to that.

Week 2

2006-02-19T15:44:00.000+08:00

It’s been 2 weeks since V’s been away and surprisingly, it hasn’t been as painful as I imagined. Sure it’s difficult and there’s this longing for him, but it’s not agonizing because I know he’s safe when he’s there. I’ve been busy with work and managing the renovation of the house while he’s away and it’s been pretty exciting!

We’ve more or less confirmed the design of the house and right now we’re awaiting HDB approval to break down a wall in the house so we can have an extra large seating area. I’m really looking forward to staying there and leading our lives together. Doesn’t it sound all so clichéd? Like a typical Singaporean couple – ROM, then get a flat, then settle down, then get kids?? The only difference is I’m not going to have kids anytime soon as I really want to enjoy my pool table!! Woo hoo!

Yes, we’ve bought a pool table and so instead of going out to pay for entertainment, we’re going to be watching DVDs, having a drink or playing pool with friends on weekends. Sounds so very exciting!! Yay.

Have lost my voice from a mixture of too much shouting to lack of rest. Serves me right I guess, thinking that working doubly hard while V is away would distract me from his absence. However, it has certainly helped me get a good night’s rest, and early, at that. V likes to sleep slightly later than me… He thinks sleep is a waste of time! :P I, on the other hand, really enjoy sleeping. Such a pleasurable activity.

Ok I gotta go clean up the house. It’s in a real mess!

Going away

2006-02-12T23:23:00.000+08:00

My hubby’s been away for a week and he will be away for the next 13 weeks to come. It has passed rather slowly, especially the weekend that has just passed. Although I spent much of it sleeping, there was still something missing. It was just his presence. Missing him is different from missing a boyfriend. There is a strong sense of certainty and security, knowing that those 3 months only serve as a temporary absence of the physical person. We are united in spirit and the love grows stronger yet. Sound familiar? This time it’s different.

The next 13 weeks will be spent catching up with friends, school work and concentrating on the house renovation and packing up my things to move to the new block. When he returns, we’ll be all set to start our new life together. It’s so exciting! I guess all good things must wait. I’m seriously counting down.

If you think about it, 3 months is a short time, yet in 3 months many things can happen, really. Let’s make quick list..

My cousin Ethan would have put on some weight and my other cousin Adele would have learnt to walk.

The school kids would have gone through CA1, March holidays and be preparing for SA1.

My mom would have gone on two trips – Australia and India.

The house renovation would have been completed.

My hair would have grown 2 inches.

My dad’s friend, Vernon, would have left

I would have eaten at my mother-in-law’s place 7 times.

And the list goes on… Does time really fly? Perhaps when you’re having fun.. but when you’re working, that’s a different story, eh?

Alright, enough pondering. I’m off to bed. Sleep helps time pass faster – so for the next 3 months it’s going to be my best friend. Sleep early, wake up, go to work, come home, have dinner, watch a bit of TV, sleep. That’s going to be my routine for the weekdays. Saturday, Sunday, wake up at 11, have brunch, meet friends for afternoon shopping, arrange dinner at night. Sunday, have brunch again, watch CSI on TV, meet M-in law for dinner at V’s house. And another week passes.

I love my sleep. Night all!

Being Mrs Chan

2006-01-22T16:13:00.000+08:00

It’s been awhile since I last posted… I’ve been busy! 2005 just over, meaning my wedding is actually over! I can’t believe it was only a few weeks ago, yet being plunged back into work makes it seem so far away. It was really a dream.. or at least it sure felt like it.

Pictures are up at http://www.flickr.com/photos/hipipipo/sets

Many colleagues asked what I was doing back at work so quickly, but seriously do I have a choice? I can’t possibly take leave even during work days, so where’s the time? The honeymoon will have to wait.. Most probably to be in June.

Anyway, I’ve tried emailing most of you the photos, so if you didn’t get them, just click the link above! As I type this post, my long nails are getting in the way. It’s time they get a cut.

Just finished spring cleaning the house in prep for CNY. It’s going to be the first time I give out hong baos! I’m going to be broke! Ha ha. Although, I have to say I always enjoy CNY cos I get to eat all my favourite snacks and food. Yum yum. Yu sheng here I come! I still hv yet to buy my new clothes…

Will update more along the way, next week probably. Gotta go to mother-in-law’s place for dinner. Yes, I am now officially a Chan. (

Ang pao boxes and such..

2005-12-07T18:24:00.000+08:00

I’ve been running around planning stuff for my big day.. It’s been a whirlwind and much as I am excited, I’m sadly seeing my holidays fly away! Planning a wedding requires so much attention to detail that my days jus zip past and before I know it, gosh it’s already the 2nd week of December.

It’s been really fun though, and I must say that I never thought that it could actually be done – a wedding in 2 months! Someone give me a medal! Ha ha. Thankfully most of my friends and relatives can make it, save a few – special mention to Miche in Nepal (yes Nepal!) and a few others in England, sorry I couldn’t give you ample time to be here on my special day… though of course I would have loved to have you here.

Well, folks I’m off to do some other thing. Do leave me a note on my tagboard! It’s lonely!

*don’t worry, be happy*

Adjectives A to Z

2005-10-13T21:11:00.000+08:00

Can you think of an adjective for your loved one from A to Z? I attempted to do that with V last night and on the spot, trying to think of one can prove pretty difficult. That, of course, coupled with fatigue from work the past few days. In fact, I still have work to do.

If you had a choice, what adjectives would you give yourself? Try it, it’s really a fun exercise from which you can actually do some reflection. If you reflect, that is.

Try the sexy version. ;)

Ahh, B – breasts, C- censored xx)

What do you want in your life?

2005-10-07T19:37:00.000+08:00

I had this discussion with my colleague today, over tea at Café Cartel, which incidentally has very good promotions for tea time (230-5pm). We had a bread and butter pudding with two scoops of ice cream and peaches/strawberries and a café latte for only $7.80. Certainly a good deal.

What is your priority in life? And more importantly, What is your purpose in life? A profound question indeed. Perhaps it’s a question I ought to ask myself. I know what I want, but do I know what I’m doing on this earth? Philosophical, maybe, religious also. But you guys know I’m not religious at all… still it’s important to question what we are doing on this earth, in this life?

I think I have yet to find the answer to this question… and it will definitely take some time. Perhaps you guys have the answer? Or do you find it beyond your means to think about such a question… Try answering it, try figuring out whether it is to be a good lover/wife to someone or whether it is to be an upright person to bring happiness into other people’s life, or to be like Mother Theresa and teach the world about humanity and love.

A temporary answer for me is to bring love and joy to the people around me just by being me and to achieve all I set out to, which at this moment, is to find satisfaction in my career/job – which I think I’m not particularly enjoying up to this point.

We are all at current reality and the extent of our happiness stems from how big the gap is from our ideal self. I once had a talk with my professor and she told me that the gap between my current reality and ideal self is really small… meaning to say that I was a happy and satisfied person… However, ever since starting work, I have to say that gap is widening… to a state which I do not enjoy.

Hence, time for me to think about the question in the subject line here… Let me know your answers, folks.

something great

2005-10-02T12:55:00.000+08:00

I have an enlightened husband. Dictionary definition of enlightened:

highly educated; having extensive information or understanding;

You might be thinking of enlighted in the spiritual sense... however, that I have no say over nor do I want to comment about that aspect of his life...however, he is enlightened because he is highly educated and has extensive information/understanding of me.

I asked him if he would mind me going out one-to-one with another guy friend of mine.. and his response was
(1) a weird look (upon which I asked what that look was all about)
(2) "Why would I mind?"
(3) "Go la!"

I paused for a moment and reflected on past incidents where I broached a similar question to previous boyfriends and the result was certainly different. The reaction:

(1) a weird look
(2) "Why does he want to ask you out?"
(3) "Why do you want to go?"

Definitely the difference from scenario 1 to scenario 2 is the complete trust and belief he has in me, which the previous ones never had. And for that, I can only say, he is indeed 'enlightened'. He knows me well and understands that even as a married couple we are entitled to go out with whoever we want, as we still need a social life and friends; not just each other.

Now, my friends, the question is answered: Why did I choose to marry early? Well, my man is enlightened and hot. That's all I have to say.

Poetry

2005-09-22T21:15:00.000+08:00

Poetry stimulates the mind. It is able to tickle, provoke and remind. Tickle one's fancy, Provoke emotional reactions and remind one of many things.

It has been some time since I last wrote a poem. I used to write frequently and mostly depressed ones, mainly because I was! Now I can't pull up any of those strong emotions to write about. Love is a strong feeling but when I'm happy i just can't write!! Talk about writer's block.

Today, however I feel like writing... As a result of a recent incident. No, it did not make me sad but reminded me of something I used to be.

Forgive me if this seems like crap to you - it's the only thing I can squeeze out of my already-squeezed brain.

_______________________________________

The Look

She shot me a look
Up, down, left, right.
Great interest in her eyes.

Weary yet alert it was,
Threatened yet confident
It reminded me of myself.

Approaching with a smile
Conversation we engaged,
Her eyes still reading me.

Compliments showered upon me
Playing my defense
Waiting for my hand.

I could not play with her
I understood her look
It reminded me of... me.

Her eyes fell in the distance,
Upon the moving figure
That look upon her face.

In no small way
She made it known clear
He belonged to her, not me.

I did not protest,
For there was no contest.
He was never my goal.

She shot me a second look
Relieved yet on guard.
Trying hard to just believe.

Tired she must be,
Waiting in the corner
Waiting to be recognized.

Like cotton in the wind,
she hangs on to the thread.
It reminded me of myself.

2005-09-22T21:10:00.000+08:00

The beautiful Langkawi sky - a swirl of emotions, a swirl of colours

themed entries

2005-09-15T23:20:00.000+08:00

On the same note.. hahaha.... i dunno why I'm in a nostalgic mood! Maybe it's the return to playing badminton that I keep thinking of the past and the days leading up to now.

I've been playing badminton with a friend at River Valley and it's been really fun. I suddenly feel this sense that my life is certainly more balanced than it used to be just a few months ago. 4 months ago, I was moaning about my teaching life - why it was everything in my life and nothing else... And I wondered if this was really what life was about... Of course I had V and my family, but sometimes to make others happy you yourself must be happy. That said, I am really happy now that I can take the time firstly to try and build a future with V and that I can actually go back to the sport that has made me a lifetime of friends. Badminton always strikes a chord in my heart; for it is through badminton that i met the two of my exes. Also it has made me so many friends that I cannot imagine not having played the sport! The only thing it is not doing right for me is that it is making my thighs huge and my shoulders bulkier. Ah!!!

Well, back to current reality and I'm listening to songs that strike a note in my heart. This is one of them.

To H, I hope you are happy now. In fact, I know you are. This song's for ya.

______________________________________

Whereever you will go (by The Calling)

So lately, been wondering,
Who will be there to take my placeWhen I'm gone,
you'll need loveT
o light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall
It would fall upon us all
and between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high, or down lowI'll go
wherever you will go
And maybe, I'll find out
The way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave shall fall
It would fall upon us all
Well then I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high, or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
Runaway with my heart
Runaway with my hope
Runaway with my love

I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high, or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go
I'll go wherever you will go

on the topic of looking back

2005-09-11T21:46:00.000+08:00

I literally went to look back into my Blog archives and guess what I found?

http://www.livejournal.com/users/wowo/2003/09/08/

I understand now what all that pain and suffering was for. There is justice after all!!

one week

2005-09-11T19:00:00.000+08:00

One week holidays over already.. Gosh, really time flies. Once this next term is over, I would have finished 1.5 years of teaching and have only 3.5 years of the bond left to go. I guess I was really short sighted when I was younger, signing a bond without realizing what I was getting into... assuming that teachers, though they work hard, had lots of satisfaction on-the-job. I guess that's only partly right.

I should really start writing more. Have been having many thoughts lately - thoughts seemingly appearing from nowhere, yet somehow I must be thinking about it in my subconscious. Which is the part that frightens me. I mean, how can some undesirable thoughts enter my mind? I won't even want to list them down here... It is rather disturbing - i guess when people have such thoughts and act on them, things happen. You must be curious as to what I'm talking about... anyone experience the same situation? You suddenly think of a name, think of the past and wonder what so-and-so is doing now... Then suddenly you have this great urge to want to see or speak or *** that person... Problem is don't even know where that person is!!

Then another phenomenon strikes me.. sometimes I am walking and a great sense of deja vu hits me - Have I been here before? Have I seen this person somewhere? Then you get the shivers cos yo know you've actually not been here before. Where did that familiarity come from? Past lives (For those who believe in them) or simply a figment of imagination.. ?

Right, perhaps I just lack sleep... Then again.... I don't always get this feeling.

looking back and cleaning up

2005-09-08T18:44:00.000+08:00

I resolved to clean my room and the house up today, after coming back from a missed appointment. It has been years since someone forgot an appointment with me and suddenly I was thrown back years ago.... when someone stood me up. Gosh, it certainly was years ago. Anyway, I came back and started clearing up the house and decided, maybe it's time to look at the ex's stuff and throw them out the house.

So then I walked to this box that held all his things and opened them up one by one and discovered letters that I had written to him a few days after we had broken up and all those blasted memories came flooding back to me. Surprising even myself, I started tearing, thinking of the things we used to do together. They were really special and unforgettable.

Have i betrayed my hubby by looking back down the years? Thinking about 2001 and the torture of having-yet-not-having-someone, while he's at work? The answer is 'No'. Definitely not. I really do cherish the love and life I lead now. Simple, happy and passionate all at once. It's the balance that I had always hoped to find, but found extremes along the way, which even more confirmed my need for a balanced individual who could still shower me with love.

Now comes the question - am i ready to throw those old memorabilia away and never feel those emotions again? The torrent of emotions which contrasts very sharply with the sense of happiness I have now? I think it wise to do so but the emotional me is thinking twice. Should I hide them in a little corner of my house, then dig it up when I just want to remember certain parts of my life? For believe me, without that experience, I certainly will not be married early. At least I think so.

Many a friend have asked me: Why did you choose to get married so early? Surely you could have waited? Sure, of course I could have. However, my answer to them was "I found the right man". What's there to wait any longer? It needed a severe knock on the head (i.e. ex relationship) to make me realize that passion alone cannot maintain a relationship; only a balance of passion and sensibility can do so.

Back to throwing away the stuff. Gosh, what should I do?

great friends

2005-09-08T14:53:00.000+08:00

It's hard to find a friend whom you can talk to - many people are friends simply because they happen to be working in the same office, studying in the same school or simply living next door. Take away these coincidences and would we still be friends? I think not... That's what i feel after coming back from overseas... a bond was created over 3 years perhaps partly because we were sharing similar experiences and also because, well, we had to be friends or suffer our way through! That thought might be a little negative, but that's how i feel, aniway.

As for finding a friend, I'm happy to say that i've made a new friend.. someone whom i can share many things. It's funny how such things happen - and i'm a strong believer of "all things happen for a reason"(not that I'm religious) - and we don't even know how.. Over a few days we have become good friends and sharing stuff that perhaps I normally wouldn't except with a few close friends and of course my hubby.

I was telling V that i feel different being married to him - there's no more confusion with other guys. I can just be friends with them knowing that there'll be no complication whatsoever because the line is absolutely clear. Not that if we weren't married i wouldn't draw the line, but somehow the ring on my finger is enough to let them know friends are all they can expect to be with me and nothing more. And this provides an avenue for friendship, else it's hard to tell when a guy is interested in you because he wants to go after you or whether he is truly a sincere person looking for like-minded individuals.

Right, all this happened because i was pursuing a more honourable objective - trying to matchmake one of my friends and needing an informant. This informant turned out to be someone I can talk to... unfortunately he's not suitable for my friend else i could really start a business!! :P

Ok i'm off for tea- being a piggy today is my mission.

ROM

2005-07-04T14:17:00.000+08:00

I had my ROM ceremony last Saturday at the Gallery Hotel Singapore. It was beautifully done and the food was fantastic, much to V and I's satisfaction. We thought that we might face difficulty cos the staff at first seemed rather uncertain.. in the end they proved to be no problem at all... however, the JP was late! In the end the dinner started rather late, with everyone rather annoyed that she was late and all.

Luckily in the end it turned out well when the sun set... The pictures are wonderful!!!

Thanks to my coz for taking the wonderful pics, as good as a pro!! :)

hong kong

2005-06-15T11:14:00.000+08:00

I just got back from hong kong recently. I went there with the intention of shopping and eating and shopping and eating and I guess you can say I got my money's worth. I did alot of eating no doubt, but the shopping ~ well the shopping could be much improved. Somehow the style in HK has been diluted with the entrance of the mainland Chinese. The extra gawdy and flowery styles on handbags and even clothes has made HK seem like some big pasar malam, instead of the trendy styles I was expecting. Hm...

However, that said, I did manage to get a nice dress for my upcoming function. I still have to find shoes and matching accessories for the event! I can't wait.

Out with my friends last night, they were surprised at how fast it is to me getting legally hitched. It's true that it is quick, considering I've been going out with V for about 1.5 years.. However having known him for about 5 years it just feels more comfortable than otherwise. Furthermore... well, emotionally I am ready. Many of them were saying ' What? Do you know it means there's no turning back?' Well, true enough, legally speaking, but then i'm not even contemplating turning back. Because in my dictionary, it doesn't exist! It is a committment which I won't break.

Righto. It's a busy period for me, what with the flat hunting and the ceremony and schoolwork. Time to dash off to run some errands... Keep in touch folks.

Understanding your body

2005-06-06T11:00:00.000+08:00

I have never drawn blood for the purposes of a medical examination before.

Would you believe it? Yet, i found out the state of my body through a rather fascinating machine. It was able to tell me that I am eating too much meat (i know that already) and that I don't like moving about (in other words, i'm lazy) and that i had a high pulse rate which might be due to too much worrying! All these diagnoses and I didn't even lose a single hair or drop of blood. Fascinating right??

Basically it tests the condition of your body through meridian channels i.e. pulse points on your body.

I can't wait to tell my friends and family about this.

Making money

2005-06-01T18:26:00.000+08:00

My school holidays have started and I have come across a business opportunity that is really interesting. What i thought at first to be a crummy pyramid organisation has turned into an opportunity to build a homegrown company with little or no startup costs!

Let's look at investment in general.
1) Investing in residential property- high downpayment and low rate of rental return
2) Investing in commercial property - again high upfront costs but slightly higher rate of return
3) Stocks and shares - volatile and requires management of market
4) Investing in bonds - stable but low rate of return
5) Investing in currency - requires skill and ability to read the market
6) Starting a business of your own - requires infrastructure, high fixed and variable costs, work 24 hours a day

Really, it's difficult to find an option that would really pay you any money without first having to come out with alot! Yet what i've been finding out about this business brings not only super products, but provides wonderful backup which not only serves to motivate you but to educate you. It gives you the tools to be a successful business person and person! Confidence, assurance, self-belief are all qualities we hope we possess and which we strive to have. What better way than to acquire/develop these qualities while earning money?

I never thought, in my wildest dreams, to even think that such an opportunity would interest me. However, the more i find out the more it seems jus the thing!

Search

2005-05-23T18:25:00.000+08:00

How is your day? It's the Vesak Day holiday and it's been great! Enjoyment actually started Friday night, when I was able to get a goood rest n have a nice gin n tonic. It's great to have a drink at home, because then you don't have to worry about how you're going to get home! Ha ha. I've acquired a taste for gin, i guess in part due to V's liking of it. I also enjoy Bailey's, Creme de Menthe and Snowball (a cocktail made with advocat liquer)... Yum! It's creamy and fizzy at the same time cos 7-up is added!

Recipe
2 shots Warninks Advocaat
1/2 shot Lime cordial
Top off with Lemonade

In future, when i get my own place, i'm definitely going to have this liquer in my house.. on top of that i'm going to have a mini bar, so when friends come, we can entertain with drinks at the bar. Looks like i'm going to have get a second career as a bartendress! :P

Also i'd like a lounge chair, since i'm the lazy sort, and a nice TV so i can enjoy movies from the comfort of my home. That'll be nice.

Good morning!

2005-05-14T11:16:00.000+08:00

I had a good sleep last night, a much deserved one. My shoulders and neck are aching, from over-marking. Also my fingers are sore, from gripping the red pen and flipping practice papers (all 41 of them for 3 subjects). Are we paid to mark?? Thought we were supposed to be teachers.

Anyway i could go on and on about what is not so great about teaching, but i shall refrain.

I had a wonderful breakfast this morning - almost English breakfast! Been ages since I have had that, so i treated myself to a cheese sausage, mashed potato and a sunny-side-up. It was fantastic and a great start to my weekend - or what's left of it... I intend to do such things more often, especially at the end of a long work week. Oh yes, this brand of sausages is really wonderful (Johnsonville, available at Cold Storage). I went shopping at Takashimaya yesterday and was sooo tempted to buy one brownie from this new brownie shop. They have such a large variety and every one of them looked incredibly delectable... Then i thought of the calories...

Another thing which hit me as i was walking around Orchard yesterday on my own was that, I am getting fat! Everywhere I turned there was a slimmer and tanner gal, reminding me of what I used to be when I was training in JC and out in the sun swimming. I was healthy and fit! What happened to me!? That revelation was enough to dampen my shopping spirits and was hesitant to head into any shop lest i see something i wanted to wear but was unable to fit in! People say i'm small, but trust me, i don't wear size S.

It's time to go on that low-carbo diet again... cut out the rice, noodles and potatoes. Most importantly, no AMOS cookies!! I bought a bag of them last week, intending to have them with my cousins, but they had an abundance of food at their bbq so... i brought home the wonderful yummies, after giving some to my sister. They are simply irresistable. One day I shall learn to bake some cookies that i'd want to eat everyday. Yum!!

Ok, off to do some housework before Mom nags at me when she returns from Taiwan. Ciao!

Washed out

2005-05-11T17:54:00.000+08:00

I miss the beach. I've not been going there much mainly because weekends are spent catching up on sleep and going about other stuff.... e.g. meeting relatives and attending functions. I've reached a stage in my life where my friends are either getting married, getting pregnant or have stabilised somewhat. It makes me feel old! The thing is, my friends are quite young... and they have chosen their path early.

I remember when i was younger (say 9 or 10) i wanted to get married at 22. I'm now 24 and no sign of marriage in the distance... Have i changed my mind? Well, all i can say it's good to marry young Only if you have found the person you think you can spend the rest of your life with. It's hard to picture rest of your life but basically i think it means someone you love enough to spend 24 hours of every day with. How many people truly believe the sacrifices and compromise that goes on in a relationship, much less a marriage! I think i am only just beginning to understand the word compromise. Undoubtedly, it means giving in and taking sometimes - a balance. However, to what extent should one compromise without giving up what you desire?

Now I can say that i'm at the point in my life where I'm contemplating settling down - with my better half. However, it's a scary thought when i think about 'rest of my life' because you've got to be realistic. What happens when you see him and only him? Would you mind? And i ask myself that question - no, i dont! Is it only for now, though? Will i get sick of seeing him... I really don't think so. Many people think like me, plunge into marriage and after a while realise that that person was only a good companion for a certain phase in their life. After that, they seem to be totally mismatched. It's ok if there are no children but the moment children arrive... well it just gets a little more complicated.

That is why another of my childhood utterances was that if i should marry i will defintely wait at least a few years before the child comes. I'll definitely stick to that this time because it gives the couple a period of time to really learn to accept and love each others flaws, and learn to live with it. With the baby's arrival, the couple would then be able to concentrate on the baby rather than their flaws. Similarly said, when the baby comes too early, much of the er ren shi jie (two people's word) is lost ~ which could possibly lead to quarrels because of a lack of understanding/knowledge.

More childhood thoughts to come. Actually come to think of it, i haven't changed very much.

Not ready for new things

2005-05-08T22:27:00.000+08:00

In trying to be brave and try out a new blogskin, i realised i had to be rather photoshop, flash and html savvy in order to make it my own. Now that's something that's beyond me. Not that i've never taken any courses nor do i NOT know how to use them, just not to the level of those people who seem to use it like they were born to.

People are very interested in anime these days. Why? I have no affinity for the things and the computer animation, though nice, make women and men look like dolls, for they have teardrop eyes and long rebonded hair - and they always have great figures! they are modern day barbies! Perhaps I am lost in the whole transition period to anime and it has never caught on with me... don't blame me!

Another trend I noticed was that people tend to choose fancy names for their screen names. Another "WHY?" appears in my mind.. in fact mine is simple and mine. Literally. Shaen.blogspot.com. That's who i am and that's what I do.... others choose to have monikers for them to hide behind them - is that when they can truly be themselves? I hope not.

My better half (or what my relatives claim he is) says that the greatest asset I have is being true to myself and never changing despite the environment I am put in. I hope he's right, for that means more to me than anything anyone has ever said. To be steady and real, that's what I aim to be most of the time...... I'm sure you know then, I hate hypocrites.

Clearing my wardrobe I discover an ex's long sleeve shirt which I should've returned along with other items of clothing. Why do i still keep it? I still have certain items which I have not yet thrown, actually it's only a matter of time.. Now they sit in the crevices of my room aching to be thrown. It's not because I'm not over him, but ain't it a pity to throw things that are so pretty? Perhaps my better half now would beg to differ. Sweetie, don't blame me ok? I don't have to heart to discard them yet.

I'm off to bed and thoughts of many kinds linger in my mind.

Of families and stressed-up children

2005-05-06T20:04:00.000+08:00

Today was an emotional one. I had to meet the parents of one of my students because he has been exhibiting behaviour which is to say the least, weird. He is an awfully stressed boy, by expectations, by parents and mostly by himself. Unable to control his emotions, it is exarcebated by his parents who place exceedingly high expectations on him and as a result scream at him the moment he does something wrong - which is often, in their eyes. He is a playful procrastinator - which his parents cannot accept. And he's only 10!

Truth to tell, i feel sorry for him. Terribly sad and upset, in fact. To think he's just my student, and not related to me. If i were his parents' friends, I'd tell them to go for family therapy; anything that will salvage this boy who is brilliant yet trying very hard to win family acceptance. Most families would be rejoicing if their child is bright, yet this family insists on him being able to take care of himself at the mere age of 10. It is upsetting what children these days have to go through.

This is the point where I tell myself I have to break free. I am getting emotionally tied to such children who deserve a loving and warm family. Why are parents going under the society's spell of being result-oriented? Can't a child be accepted and loved for who he is, instead of being punished for trying to be the person he wants to be? Instead, he is judged based on his performance in school and at home... all he wants is a home where no one nags and scolds.

A lesson to parents out there: your child needs a decent childhood!! Give it to him or her.

Que sara sara

2005-05-02T14:25:00.000+08:00

Que sara sara, What will be will be. Que sara sara!

What shall be will be. True?

If we really believed that, i bet we would never be where we are today. Yet taken from another point of view.... it is what people still believe up to today. We are still not in control of our own fate so therefore might as well chill, que sara sara.

What do you think? I certainly do not believe in this...

2005-04-16T12:10:00.000+08:00

My cute rabbits, Sara and Bee

True Love

2005-04-10T22:16:00.000+08:00

Charles and Camilla have finally wed.

True love or for some, truly horrible. I fall into the former category. They have borne criticism and disdain to finally come together, the not-so-perfect couple, just like we all. May they always be happy.

A short post tonight, then, as I struggle to keep my lids open. I have spent the weekend sleeping, literally! I am still feeling the effects of the long drawn out week and yet another dawns upon me in a matter of a few hours. I am also unwell, my head feeling way heavier than it actually is. *Sigh*.

Off to bed, kisses to my significant other. Thank you for making me feel so much better.

Pope's passing amongst other things

2005-04-03T19:11:00.000+08:00

As a non-Catholic, it doesn't touch me as much that Pope John Paul II has passed away. However, he does seem like quite a figure not only in the Catholic world but on the world front. He was compassionate and yet passionate, not only about religion but about literature, apparently. In an interview which I watched yesterday, it was said that the Pope simply loved performing and that this whole life he has viewed himself as a performer and that his death was simply the final performance. And indeed, he died with dignity.

Having survived multiple illnesses and even an assasination attack it would have been wonderful to read about his life story. Sadly he will not be the one to write it, but i'm positive that there will be those, worshippers and non-worshippers who will record his journey. That might be something to look forward to.

On another note, it has been an extremely tiring week, and somewhat emotional as well. I discovered that I am not as good at multi-tasking as i have always imagined; I discovered that I am not as capable as others think I am; I discovered that in the midst of my positivity which I seem to spread to others, I feel somewhat lost. It is not surprising, however, that I feel this way. Caught up in a system which I do not embrace and even worse, having to be an instrument of this system, I feel depressed. It goes against every pore in my skin, having to be at the centre of the education system, yet be unable to actually educate. Someone once told me that the job satisfaction of being a teacher should far outweigh the stresses that come along with it. However, that person obviously does not have enough personal experience to understand that being a teacher is no longer just a job - it is a lifestyle.

Think about it: you don't only have to be a teacher i.e. teach, but you have to mother, inspire, correct, discipline, manage, administrate, attend meetings and etc etc. Where's the time for oneself? It's not that you have no time for others - your family, significant other, but where's the time to reflect? Nighttime is a quick affair, after marking and eating dinner, poof! you're off to sleep and dreamland. Then the alarm clock sounds again and poof! it's another gruelling day at work.

Do I sound like i'm whining? Well, too bad. It's just not my cup of tea and I'll have to whine to get through it or go bonkers. And trust me, I'm not the only one going through such torment. Other jobs can be just as bad, and the hours can just be as long as mine.... but find a job which requires you to have the heart to nurture, yet have the head to discipline and finally have the ability to inspire the young minds of tomorrow? I don't think you will be able to find many people who have the nature to willingly take this upon themselves. At least I am not one of them.

Importance of being sha-en

2005-03-22T20:19:00.000+08:00

For the first time today, I felt how 'important' I am. Today I had a meeting with some guys about a Creative Writing Programme we are piloting in school. As I am involved in not 1 but 2 of their programmes I had to be there to contribute my ideas for both! It was so tiring, considering it was 3.45pm and I had just finished supplementary classes with my ever excitable class. (Actually they're adorable).

Well, yesterday I was sick so I had to take medical leave from school... and boy many people were looking for me. Where is Sha'en? Is she ok? I had to run a CCA but was not able to go and so the HOD had to take over for me.. On top of that I was supposed to see the same people (from today's meeting) yesterday but had to postpone it because I was not there. I am starting to wonder if being efficient and smart is a liability? In the sense that I am now tasked with so many things to do!! Not that I think I am but that must be what they think of me - otherwise why are they pushing so many things on my shoulders?! As it is, I have a mountain of things to mark.

Yikes. Anyway I felt bad for having to stay at home and not that it was that pleasant anyway cos I was sick! Ugh. I only felt better in the later part of the day and was even beginning to think I wouldn't even make it to school this morning.

Time

2005-03-17T20:49:00.000+08:00

Time is not for us to keep. It passes too quickly when you're having fun (in this case, on holiday) and passes way too slowly when you're not (working, marking books etc...). It's going to be the start of a new week in 3 days. My goodness. Last Friday I was just saying "Ahh, 1 week of solid rest." While I have slept in more, I find myself struggling to keep a hold on Monday, then Tuesday and then somehow or rather, it's already Friday. What ever happened to Wednesday and Thursday? Ordinarily, it would only be miserable Wednesday and there's still the last 2 days of the week still to come.

Ah, well, I should just be thankful for the week's break. And next Friday is Good Friday, meaning another long holiday. It's going to be relax-away time again. My golly, I am delighted.

I've got to go into school tomorrow. Again, memories flood back of the time I was in practicum, oblivious of the tasks facing me potentially. And now as a permanent teacher, I realise practicum was just a passing phase... It was much easier and much less demanding.

Anyway, looking ahead to next week, the consolation is that it's mid March and that in 7.5 months i'll be having a 6 weeek holiday. Woo hoo!

Holidays

2005-03-14T23:09:00.000+08:00

My one week school holiday has officially begun. It feels GREEEEAT! Did i already mention that I FEEL GREAT? Ha ha.

It's been a good start to the week because I woke up at 1115am. Wonderful being able to sleep late and not worry that i'm late for work! Incidentally that happened to me last week and I woke up with a start!!! I should have been at work at 7am but only work up at 730am. Thank goodness I could get to work in 5 minutes..... Else I really don't know what would have happened. Would I have to get an MC?

I don't know who's reading this, but for my friends overseas, I miss you guys!! I hope to be able to come visit maybe this June or the next. Oxford Street! JD! Leicester Sq Haagen Dazs! Gosh, I do miss those times.

2005-03-06T23:10:00.000+08:00

Beebee and me

Meeting friends

2005-03-06T22:32:00.000+08:00

Meeting up with friends has become very difficult. Actually, is it really?

Keeping in touch with someone is usually a simple affair. If it's someone you love, you'd want to pick up your phone the moment you wake up just to hear his/her voice. If it's your mom, you'd think twice. Just kidding.

In this day of technology and SMSes, you would think that keeping in touch is a piece of cake. Yet, reports of people who say they are disconnected from the world (even with mobile and email, yes!) are aplenty. Does that mean that the technological boom has backfired on us? Unwittingly, perhaps.

Yesterday, i picked up my phone to SMS a friend I hadn't heard from in a couple of months and we agreed to meet up to play badminton and have tea. It was simple. It just took an SMS to reestablish contact. Of course, though, it makes a difference that he actually replied! Now, if he didn't... then, well... you get the idea. It takes two hands to clap.

At this tender age of 24 (old or not?) i've cut down my circle of friends to a few close ones and of course my bf. Then there are those whom i speak to mainly online because they're not in Singapore and then more others whom have meant something special to you (not in a relationship sort of way but just made a difference). Beyond that, acquaintances from primary school up to University remain far out of reach. A phone call might be in order, but does that person really want to hear from you?

It certainly does make me wonder.

Gossip...

2005-03-05T21:58:00.000+08:00

It's funny how gossip starts. Is someone always on the lookout for new things to talk about? New things that they see, or things which could potentially be juicy? It's funny. I don't take any pleasure in talking about other people....

Unfortunately, it doesn't necessarily apply to all people. I've become part of a gossiping session, thanks to my interaction with a fellow colleague. Of course, the colleague is male. Does it really mean that men and women cannot be friends just because they are of the opposite sex? It's ridiculous that in this day and age, talking to a male colleague leads to people talking about you two as if something is going on! For goodness sakes, I'm not that desperate. Ha ha ha to the people who were talking.

So, it's time to start displaying my bf's photo a little more conspicuously so that gossip can be allayed, till which time there is another potential "male colleague" whom people think I can lay my hands on. I guess, the staff room can get pretty boring that others need excitement like this.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not upset one bit. It just amuses me that people can make up a story e.g. "Wah, you both sitting on the grass chit chatting, look very compatible leh!" just based on an afternoon! And by the way, we had to be there because they put us there! A conspiracy, perhaps? Whatever.

All i can say is... these people have nothing better to do.

words of the day: why so k-poh?

Ugh.

2005-02-28T22:02:00.000+08:00

Damn! The Oscars are showing on TV at 10pm tonight, ruining what I thought would be a Desperate Housewives Night. Grand. Have i really become so addicted to that TV series, which is actually more soapy than Days of Our Lives? Jeesh.

Once again I find myself wanting to sleep but thinking of too many things. This time it's work related. What are the factors that will affect staff morale? To working souls out there, what could the management do that will significantly increase your joy and happiness of working where you are, besides the salary? Non-tangible rewards? Hm... It's a mammoth task I am taking upon myself but it's going to be worth it. At least, it will benefit me.

My rabbits are so loving it makes me realise that there is LOVE everywhere, even in the animal kingdom. My female rabbit called Sara would snuggle up to my male Bee and they'd just sit and snuggle, even if one is facing the other's butt. Upon questioning my bf whether he'd do it, he just laughed amusedly to himself and the next thing trying his best to imitate the what-i-once-thought-was-cute action of the rabbits. Oh thank you my love.

Another thing i've noticed is that they've both picked up each other's habits and are starting to behave like one another, much like human companionship. Soon what distinguishes them is the colour of their fur and brightness of their eyes. The mannerisms and behaviours can almost mesh perfectly. Ahh, the wonder of Mother Nature. Have i mentioned I love my rabbits? *Grin*

That aside, I have also realised that my emotional self doesn't do much good in school except to win the hearts of the children. While one may say that is good, it isn't good discipline for the child when the teacher (ahem, me) is too soft to punish them severe enough. Bad ol softie heart getting to me again! Oh, frustration frustration.

1010pm and i'm still writing. Oscar fever has definitely not hit me this year, as bf and I never watch movies ($8.50 per pax) as nothing beats going out to the beach or just chilling at home. So, yeah, not very Oscar-ie this year. Whatever!

My bed beckons after a long day at work. My wrist is going to work OT tomorrow as I mark the CA papers for English. Good night all.

would you?

2005-02-22T19:47:00.000+08:00

Would you...

1) Give up a weeks' pay to help someone less fortunate than you are?
2) Help a friend in need by taking care of her children?
3) Back down when you face a love competitor?
4) Fight with every pore on your skin for the cause you believe in?
5) Bask naked in the sun if you knew no one could see you?

More to come... Questions to ponder.

Idol on TV now!

2005-02-20T11:26:00.000+08:00

My wonderful bits only have one thing to say. "We're happy!"

Voila!

2005-02-20T11:18:00.000+08:00

Upon discovering that it was possible to upload pictures here without having to save it on a facility that stores pictures, I am now officially moving over here.

You can access my previous blog at www.livejournal.com/users/wowo

Yes, it is still functional.