simple vs complex

I am a complicated person. There are so many things that I want to do, but I cannot. There are so many things I wish I can do, but deemed socially unacceptable or morally wrong. Or at least I think society deems so. I hate being governed by rules, I want to do anything and everything just because! Yet we live in this practical world, where people can’t live without simple rules of life. Even living this life, there are rules! I don’t like it. I am an emotionally complicated person too. I am not a practical person. I do something because I want to, not because it is a calculated decision. If I want to go to the beach, I hope I don’t have to worry about the weather. And if it does rain when I get there, I guess I’ll just be in my bikini, playing in the rain, and enjoying every single moment of it.

Does that make me a simple person? Content with something so simple as unexpected rain? I think I just don’t fit in with the world around me. The world which seems to want us to be more complicated than we are. For instance, Shakespeare, I’m guessing, never meant many of the things that humans seem to interpret from his text, yet Literature students delve into every single line, read between every single word to find out what Shakespeare really meant. What if he only meant the obvious things? Does it mean he probably was less complicated and gifted than people believe? I don’t know…

There have been occasions in which I have taken the less traveled path, went down that path based on instinct alone, and it burnt me. So now I opt for the tried and tested route, safe and sound, knowing that the life will resemble a plateau, with few ups and downs and mostly staying along the flat line. But it doesn’t satisfy me. I want more. I want those ups and downs that come with the experience. I like the intensity of emotions – utter joy and jubilation and also along with it utter sorrow and desperation. I know it’s silly to also include the sorrow, but hey, it’s not realistic to say that we can only experience extreme and intense happiness. I seem to like being intense. Passion. Love. I can live on these two things alone. Give me Air to go with it too, please. Other than that, you can chuck out money, practicality and all the rules in the world. Such is the person I am.

V says I am simple, but the world is forcing me to be complicated. I am at friction with the world and myself. What an enviable state to be in… Anyone out there feels the same way? Let’s go jump in the sea in the middle of the night! After all, there are no sharks in Singapore waters, are there?