Being Mrs Chan

It’s been awhile since I last posted… I’ve been busy! 2005 just over, meaning my wedding is actually over! I can’t believe it was only a few weeks ago, yet being plunged back into work makes it seem so far away. It was really a dream.. or at least it sure felt like it.

Pictures are up at http://www.flickr.com/photos/hipipipo/sets

Many colleagues asked what I was doing back at work so quickly, but seriously do I have a choice? I can’t possibly take leave even during work days, so where’s the time? The honeymoon will have to wait.. Most probably to be in June.

Anyway, I’ve tried emailing most of you the photos, so if you didn’t get them, just click the link above! As I type this post, my long nails are getting in the way. It’s time they get a cut.

Just finished spring cleaning the house in prep for CNY. It’s going to be the first time I give out hong baos! I’m going to be broke! Ha ha. Although, I have to say I always enjoy CNY cos I get to eat all my favourite snacks and food. Yum yum. Yu sheng here I come! I still hv yet to buy my new clothes…

Will update more along the way, next week probably. Gotta go to mother-in-law’s place for dinner. Yes, I am now officially a Chan. (

Ang pao boxes and such..

I’ve been running around planning stuff for my big day.. It’s been a whirlwind and much as I am excited, I’m sadly seeing my holidays fly away! Planning a wedding requires so much attention to detail that my days jus zip past and before I know it, gosh it’s already the 2nd week of December.

It’s been really fun though, and I must say that I never thought that it could actually be done – a wedding in 2 months! Someone give me a medal! Ha ha. Thankfully most of my friends and relatives can make it, save a few – special mention to Miche in Nepal (yes Nepal!) and a few others in England, sorry I couldn’t give you ample time to be here on my special day… though of course I would have loved to have you here.

Well, folks I’m off to do some other thing. Do leave me a note on my tagboard! It’s lonely!

*don’t worry, be happy*

Adjectives A to Z

Can you think of an adjective for your loved one from A to Z? I attempted to do that with V last night and on the spot, trying to think of one can prove pretty difficult. That, of course, coupled with fatigue from work the past few days. In fact, I still have work to do.

If you had a choice, what adjectives would you give yourself? Try it, it’s really a fun exercise from which you can actually do some reflection. If you reflect, that is.

Try the sexy version. ;)

1. Ahh, B – breasts, C- censored xx)

What do you want in your life?

I had this discussion with my colleague today, over tea at Café Cartel, which incidentally has very good promotions for tea time (230-5pm). We had a bread and butter pudding with two scoops of ice cream and peaches/strawberries and a café latte for only $7.80. Certainly a good deal.

What is your priority in life? And more importantly, What is your purpose in life? A profound question indeed. Perhaps it’s a question I ought to ask myself. I know what I want, but do I know what I’m doing on this earth? Philosophical, maybe, religious also. But you guys know I’m not religious at all… still it’s important to question what we are doing on this earth, in this life?

I think I have yet to find the answer to this question… and it will definitely take some time. Perhaps you guys have the answer? Or do you find it beyond your means to think about such a question… Try answering it, try figuring out whether it is to be a good lover/wife to someone or whether it is to be an upright person to bring happiness into other people’s life, or to be like Mother Theresa and teach the world about humanity and love.

A temporary answer for me is to bring love and joy to the people around me just by being me and to achieve all I set out to, which at this moment, is to find satisfaction in my career/job – which I think I’m not particularly enjoying up to this point.

We are all at current reality and the extent of our happiness stems from how big the gap is from our ideal self. I once had a talk with my professor and she told me that the gap between my current reality and ideal self is really small… meaning to say that I was a happy and satisfied person… However, ever since starting work, I have to say that gap is widening… to a state which I do not enjoy.

Hence, time for me to think about the question in the subject line here… Let me know your answers, folks.

something great

I have an enlightened husband. Dictionary definition of enlightened:

highly educated; having extensive information or understanding;

You might be thinking of enlighted in the spiritual sense... however, that I have no say over nor do I want to comment about that aspect of his life...however, he is enlightened because he is highly educated and has extensive information/understanding of me.

I asked him if he would mind me going out one-to-one with another guy friend of mine.. and his response was
(1) a weird look (upon which I asked what that look was all about)
(2) "Why would I mind?"
(3) "Go la!"

I paused for a moment and reflected on past incidents where I broached a similar question to previous boyfriends and the result was certainly different. The reaction:

(1) a weird look
(2) "Why does he want to ask you out?"
(3) "Why do you want to go?"

Definitely the difference from scenario 1 to scenario 2 is the complete trust and belief he has in me, which the previous ones never had. And for that, I can only say, he is indeed 'enlightened'. He knows me well and understands that even as a married couple we are entitled to go out with whoever we want, as we still need a social life and friends; not just each other.

Now, my friends, the question is answered: Why did I choose to marry early? Well, my man is enlightened and hot. That's all I have to say.

Poetry

Poetry stimulates the mind. It is able to tickle, provoke and remind. Tickle one's fancy, Provoke emotional reactions and remind one of many things.

It has been some time since I last wrote a poem. I used to write frequently and mostly depressed ones, mainly because I was! Now I can't pull up any of those strong emotions to write about. Love is a strong feeling but when I'm happy i just can't write!! Talk about writer's block.

Today, however I feel like writing... As a result of a recent incident. No, it did not make me sad but reminded me of something I used to be.

Forgive me if this seems like crap to you - it's the only thing I can squeeze out of my already-squeezed brain.

_______________________________________

The Look

She shot me a look
Up, down, left, right.
Great interest in her eyes.

Weary yet alert it was,
Threatened yet confident
It reminded me of myself.

Approaching with a smile
Conversation we engaged,
Her eyes still reading me.

Compliments showered upon me
Playing my defense
Waiting for my hand.

I could not play with her
I understood her look
It reminded me of... me.

Her eyes fell in the distance,
Upon the moving figure
That look upon her face.

In no small way
She made it known clear
He belonged to her, not me.

I did not protest,
For there was no contest.
He was never my goal.

She shot me a second look
Relieved yet on guard.
Trying hard to just believe.

Tired she must be,
Waiting in the corner
Waiting to be recognized.

Like cotton in the wind,
she hangs on to the thread.
It reminded me of myself.

The beautiful Langkawi sky - a swirl of emotions, a swirl of colours 

themed entries

On the same note.. hahaha.... i dunno why I'm in a nostalgic mood! Maybe it's the return to playing badminton that I keep thinking of the past and the days leading up to now.

I've been playing badminton with a friend at River Valley and it's been really fun. I suddenly feel this sense that my life is certainly more balanced than it used to be just a few months ago. 4 months ago, I was moaning about my teaching life - why it was everything in my life and nothing else... And I wondered if this was really what life was about... Of course I had V and my family, but sometimes to make others happy you yourself must be happy. That said, I am really happy now that I can take the time firstly to try and build a future with V and that I can actually go back to the sport that has made me a lifetime of friends. Badminton always strikes a chord in my heart; for it is through badminton that i met the two of my exes. Also it has made me so many friends that I cannot imagine not having played the sport! The only thing it is not doing right for me is that it is making my thighs huge and my shoulders bulkier. Ah!!!

Well, back to current reality and I'm listening to songs that strike a note in my heart. This is one of them.

To H, I hope you are happy now. In fact, I know you are. This song's for ya.

______________________________________

Whereever you will go (by The Calling)

So lately, been wondering,
Who will be there to take my placeWhen I'm gone,
you'll need loveT
o light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall
It would fall upon us all
and between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high, or down lowI'll go
wherever you will go
And maybe, I'll find out
The way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave shall fall
It would fall upon us all
Well then I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high, or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
Runaway with my heart
Runaway with my hope
Runaway with my love

I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high, or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go
I'll go wherever you will go

on the topic of looking back

I literally went to look back into my Blog archives and guess what I found?

http://www.livejournal.com/users/wowo/2003/09/08/

I understand now what all that pain and suffering was for. There is justice after all!!

one week

One week holidays over already.. Gosh, really time flies. Once this next term is over, I would have finished 1.5 years of teaching and have only 3.5 years of the bond left to go. I guess I was really short sighted when I was younger, signing a bond without realizing what I was getting into... assuming that teachers, though they work hard, had lots of satisfaction on-the-job. I guess that's only partly right.

I should really start writing more. Have been having many thoughts lately - thoughts seemingly appearing from nowhere, yet somehow I must be thinking about it in my subconscious. Which is the part that frightens me. I mean, how can some undesirable thoughts enter my mind? I won't even want to list them down here... It is rather disturbing - i guess when people have such thoughts and act on them, things happen. You must be curious as to what I'm talking about... anyone experience the same situation? You suddenly think of a name, think of the past and wonder what so-and-so is doing now... Then suddenly you have this great urge to want to see or speak or *** that person... Problem is don't even know where that person is!!

Then another phenomenon strikes me.. sometimes I am walking and a great sense of deja vu hits me - Have I been here before? Have I seen this person somewhere? Then you get the shivers cos yo know you've actually not been here before. Where did that familiarity come from? Past lives (For those who believe in them) or simply a figment of imagination.. ?

Right, perhaps I just lack sleep... Then again.... I don't always get this feeling.

looking back and cleaning up

I resolved to clean my room and the house up today, after coming back from a missed appointment. It has been years since someone forgot an appointment with me and suddenly I was thrown back years ago.... when someone stood me up. Gosh, it certainly was years ago. Anyway, I came back and started clearing up the house and decided, maybe it's time to look at the ex's stuff and throw them out the house.

So then I walked to this box that held all his things and opened them up one by one and discovered letters that I had written to him a few days after we had broken up and all those blasted memories came flooding back to me. Surprising even myself, I started tearing, thinking of the things we used to do together. They were really special and unforgettable.

Have i betrayed my hubby by looking back down the years? Thinking about 2001 and the torture of having-yet-not-having-someone, while he's at work? The answer is 'No'. Definitely not. I really do cherish the love and life I lead now. Simple, happy and passionate all at once. It's the balance that I had always hoped to find, but found extremes along the way, which even more confirmed my need for a balanced individual who could still shower me with love.

Now comes the question - am i ready to throw those old memorabilia away and never feel those emotions again? The torrent of emotions which contrasts very sharply with the sense of happiness I have now? I think it wise to do so but the emotional me is thinking twice. Should I hide them in a little corner of my house, then dig it up when I just want to remember certain parts of my life? For believe me, without that experience, I certainly will not be married early. At least I think so.

Many a friend have asked me: Why did you choose to get married so early? Surely you could have waited? Sure, of course I could have. However, my answer to them was "I found the right man". What's there to wait any longer? It needed a severe knock on the head (i.e. ex relationship) to make me realize that passion alone cannot maintain a relationship; only a balance of passion and sensibility can do so.

Back to throwing away the stuff. Gosh, what should I do?

great friends

It's hard to find a friend whom you can talk to - many people are friends simply because they happen to be working in the same office, studying in the same school or simply living next door. Take away these coincidences and would we still be friends? I think not... That's what i feel after coming back from overseas... a bond was created over 3 years perhaps partly because we were sharing similar experiences and also because, well, we had to be friends or suffer our way through! That thought might be a little negative, but that's how i feel, aniway.

As for finding a friend, I'm happy to say that i've made a new friend.. someone whom i can share many things. It's funny how such things happen - and i'm a strong believer of "all things happen for a reason"(not that I'm religious) - and we don't even know how.. Over a few days we have become good friends and sharing stuff that perhaps I normally wouldn't except with a few close friends and of course my hubby.

I was telling V that i feel different being married to him - there's no more confusion with other guys. I can just be friends with them knowing that there'll be no complication whatsoever because the line is absolutely clear. Not that if we weren't married i wouldn't draw the line, but somehow the ring on my finger is enough to let them know friends are all they can expect to be with me and nothing more. And this provides an avenue for friendship, else it's hard to tell when a guy is interested in you because he wants to go after you or whether he is truly a sincere person looking for like-minded individuals.

Right, all this happened because i was pursuing a more honourable objective - trying to matchmake one of my friends and needing an informant. This informant turned out to be someone I can talk to... unfortunately he's not suitable for my friend else i could really start a business!! :P

Ok i'm off for tea- being a piggy today is my mission.

ROM

I had my ROM ceremony last Saturday at the Gallery Hotel Singapore. It was beautifully done and the food was fantastic, much to V and I's satisfaction. We thought that we might face difficulty cos the staff at first seemed rather uncertain.. in the end they proved to be no problem at all... however, the JP was late! In the end the dinner started rather late, with everyone rather annoyed that she was late and all.

Luckily in the end it turned out well when the sun set... The pictures are wonderful!!!

Thanks to my coz for taking the wonderful pics, as good as a pro!! :)

hong kong

I just got back from hong kong recently. I went there with the intention of shopping and eating and shopping and eating and I guess you can say I got my money's worth. I did alot of eating no doubt, but the shopping ~ well the shopping could be much improved. Somehow the style in HK has been diluted with the entrance of the mainland Chinese. The extra gawdy and flowery styles on handbags and even clothes has made HK seem like some big pasar malam, instead of the trendy styles I was expecting. Hm...

However, that said, I did manage to get a nice dress for my upcoming function. I still have to find shoes and matching accessories for the event! I can't wait.

Out with my friends last night, they were surprised at how fast it is to me getting legally hitched. It's true that it is quick, considering I've been going out with V for about 1.5 years.. However having known him for about 5 years it just feels more comfortable than otherwise. Furthermore... well, emotionally I am ready. Many of them were saying ' What? Do you know it means there's no turning back?' Well, true enough, legally speaking, but then i'm not even contemplating turning back. Because in my dictionary, it doesn't exist! It is a committment which I won't break.

Righto. It's a busy period for me, what with the flat hunting and the ceremony and schoolwork. Time to dash off to run some errands... Keep in touch folks.

Understanding your body

I have never drawn blood for the purposes of a medical examination before.

Would you believe it? Yet, i found out the state of my body through a rather fascinating machine. It was able to tell me that I am eating too much meat (i know that already) and that I don't like moving about (in other words, i'm lazy) and that i had a high pulse rate which might be due to too much worrying! All these diagnoses and I didn't even lose a single hair or drop of blood. Fascinating right??

Basically it tests the condition of your body through meridian channels i.e. pulse points on your body.

I can't wait to tell my friends and family about this.

Making money

My school holidays have started and I have come across a business opportunity that is really interesting. What i thought at first to be a crummy pyramid organisation has turned into an opportunity to build a homegrown company with little or no startup costs!

Let's look at investment in general.
1) Investing in residential property- high downpayment and low rate of rental return
2) Investing in commercial property - again high upfront costs but slightly higher rate of return
3) Stocks and shares - volatile and requires management of market
4) Investing in bonds - stable but low rate of return
5) Investing in currency - requires skill and ability to read the market
6) Starting a business of your own - requires infrastructure, high fixed and variable costs, work 24 hours a day

Really, it's difficult to find an option that would really pay you any money without first having to come out with alot! Yet what i've been finding out about this business brings not only super products, but provides wonderful backup which not only serves to motivate you but to educate you. It gives you the tools to be a successful business person and person! Confidence, assurance, self-belief are all qualities we hope we possess and which we strive to have. What better way than to acquire/develop these qualities while earning money?

I never thought, in my wildest dreams, to even think that such an opportunity would interest me. However, the more i find out the more it seems jus the thing!

Search

How is your day? It's the Vesak Day holiday and it's been great! Enjoyment actually started Friday night, when I was able to get a goood rest n have a nice gin n tonic. It's great to have a drink at home, because then you don't have to worry about how you're going to get home! Ha ha. I've acquired a taste for gin, i guess in part due to V's liking of it. I also enjoy Bailey's, Creme de Menthe and Snowball (a cocktail made with advocat liquer)... Yum! It's creamy and fizzy at the same time cos 7-up is added!

Recipe
2 shots Warninks Advocaat
1/2 shot Lime cordial
Top off with Lemonade

In future, when i get my own place, i'm definitely going to have this liquer in my house.. on top of that i'm going to have a mini bar, so when friends come, we can entertain with drinks at the bar. Looks like i'm going to have get a second career as a bartendress! :P

Also i'd like a lounge chair, since i'm the lazy sort, and a nice TV so i can enjoy movies from the comfort of my home. That'll be nice.

Good morning!

I had a good sleep last night, a much deserved one. My shoulders and neck are aching, from over-marking. Also my fingers are sore, from gripping the red pen and flipping practice papers (all 41 of them for 3 subjects). Are we paid to mark?? Thought we were supposed to be teachers.

Anyway i could go on and on about what is not so great about teaching, but i shall refrain.

I had a wonderful breakfast this morning - almost English breakfast! Been ages since I have had that, so i treated myself to a cheese sausage, mashed potato and a sunny-side-up. It was fantastic and a great start to my weekend - or what's left of it... I intend to do such things more often, especially at the end of a long work week. Oh yes, this brand of sausages is really wonderful (Johnsonville, available at Cold Storage). I went shopping at Takashimaya yesterday and was sooo tempted to buy one brownie from this new brownie shop. They have such a large variety and every one of them looked incredibly delectable... Then i thought of the calories...

Another thing which hit me as i was walking around Orchard yesterday on my own was that, I am getting fat! Everywhere I turned there was a slimmer and tanner gal, reminding me of what I used to be when I was training in JC and out in the sun swimming. I was healthy and fit! What happened to me!? That revelation was enough to dampen my shopping spirits and was hesitant to head into any shop lest i see something i wanted to wear but was unable to fit in! People say i'm small, but trust me, i don't wear size S.

It's time to go on that low-carbo diet again... cut out the rice, noodles and potatoes. Most importantly, no AMOS cookies!! I bought a bag of them last week, intending to have them with my cousins, but they had an abundance of food at their bbq so... i brought home the wonderful yummies, after giving some to my sister. They are simply irresistable. One day I shall learn to bake some cookies that i'd want to eat everyday. Yum!!

Ok, off to do some housework before Mom nags at me when she returns from Taiwan. Ciao!

Washed out

I miss the beach. I've not been going there much mainly because weekends are spent catching up on sleep and going about other stuff.... e.g. meeting relatives and attending functions. I've reached a stage in my life where my friends are either getting married, getting pregnant or have stabilised somewhat. It makes me feel old! The thing is, my friends are quite young... and they have chosen their path early.

I remember when i was younger (say 9 or 10) i wanted to get married at 22. I'm now 24 and no sign of marriage in the distance... Have i changed my mind? Well, all i can say it's good to marry young Only if you have found the person you think you can spend the rest of your life with. It's hard to picture rest of your life but basically i think it means someone you love enough to spend 24 hours of every day with. How many people truly believe the sacrifices and compromise that goes on in a relationship, much less a marriage! I think i am only just beginning to understand the word compromise. Undoubtedly, it means giving in and taking sometimes - a balance. However, to what extent should one compromise without giving up what you desire?

Now I can say that i'm at the point in my life where I'm contemplating settling down - with my better half. However, it's a scary thought when i think about 'rest of my life' because you've got to be realistic. What happens when you see him and only him? Would you mind? And i ask myself that question - no, i dont! Is it only for now, though? Will i get sick of seeing him... I really don't think so. Many people think like me, plunge into marriage and after a while realise that that person was only a good companion for a certain phase in their life. After that, they seem to be totally mismatched. It's ok if there are no children but the moment children arrive... well it just gets a little more complicated.

That is why another of my childhood utterances was that if i should marry i will defintely wait at least a few years before the child comes. I'll definitely stick to that this time because it gives the couple a period of time to really learn to accept and love each others flaws, and learn to live with it. With the baby's arrival, the couple would then be able to concentrate on the baby rather than their flaws. Similarly said, when the baby comes too early, much of the er ren shi jie (two people's word) is lost ~ which could possibly lead to quarrels because of a lack of understanding/knowledge.

More childhood thoughts to come. Actually come to think of it, i haven't changed very much.

Not ready for new things

In trying to be brave and try out a new blogskin, i realised i had to be rather photoshop, flash and html savvy in order to make it my own. Now that's something that's beyond me. Not that i've never taken any courses nor do i NOT know how to use them, just not to the level of those people who seem to use it like they were born to.

People are very interested in anime these days. Why? I have no affinity for the things and the computer animation, though nice, make women and men look like dolls, for they have teardrop eyes and long rebonded hair - and they always have great figures! they are modern day barbies! Perhaps I am lost in the whole transition period to anime and it has never caught on with me... don't blame me!

Another trend I noticed was that people tend to choose fancy names for their screen names. Another "WHY?" appears in my mind.. in fact mine is simple and mine. Literally. Shaen.blogspot.com. That's who i am and that's what I do.... others choose to have monikers for them to hide behind them - is that when they can truly be themselves? I hope not.

My better half (or what my relatives claim he is) says that the greatest asset I have is being true to myself and never changing despite the environment I am put in. I hope he's right, for that means more to me than anything anyone has ever said. To be steady and real, that's what I aim to be most of the time...... I'm sure you know then, I hate hypocrites.

Clearing my wardrobe I discover an ex's long sleeve shirt which I should've returned along with other items of clothing. Why do i still keep it? I still have certain items which I have not yet thrown, actually it's only a matter of time.. Now they sit in the crevices of my room aching to be thrown. It's not because I'm not over him, but ain't it a pity to throw things that are so pretty? Perhaps my better half now would beg to differ. Sweetie, don't blame me ok? I don't have to heart to discard them yet.

I'm off to bed and thoughts of many kinds linger in my mind.