Friday, February 27, 2009

Waiting for baby

My baby is supposed to be due on 2nd March... And my doc says that it could be anytime now that i welcome her to this world! I am so excited to meet her.. it's amazing how she has been surviving so well inside me all the past 9 months....

Anyhow, i realised i shld hv written down all the details of impending motherhood such as how i feel both emotionally and physically, when i started to feel what etc etc.. but somehow, being the lazy me, I did not do so.. and now, as i wait for my darling to emerge, I shall try to recall the whole process.

I only discovered I was preggy at 11 weeks. By then, when we went to the Doc, she already had a heartbeat! It was so unbelievable! Just like in drama serials, you cannot believe what you see and hear... I was so delighted but at the same time, apprehensive. I guess i'm not one of those typical ladies whose maternal clock ticks the moment they see a baby. I'm not one of those gushing women whose eyes melt when they set eyes on a baby.. I'm one of those 'Maybe i can do without a baby' kinda gal... At least until I heard the heartbeat. :P So happy as I was, I was also afraid of what was to come...

As in most cases, the belly did not start showing so there was a sense of disbelief for a few weeks that I was preggy. I suddenly thought of the sashimi and alcohol I had eaten in the past 3 months and wondered if it had harmed the baby. I also cringed when I thought of how I had jumped off the boat into cold waters when I was in Bali... and how I had rushed around the office in my heels trying to push out papers... What if something had happened? At that moment, I felt that my baby was a blessing and was going to be one strong baby.

Most people want to know whether the baby is a boy or gal... Of cos we were no different. We were unable to tell at the 4th month but everyone was guessing it was a boy because of the shape of the bump. Sharp and pointy - must be a boy! I had no preferences actually, just as long as the baby is healthy. By the 5th month, we went for a detailed scan (check structure of the body etc) and found out baby was to be a gal! So all those old wives tales about the shape of the belly are hogwash! There is more science to it. Anyway, we were going to have a daughter! We were both very happy.

At 6 months, the belly was already very obvious and it was then that we went to Australia for our very late honeymoon. Yes, 3 years after we had gotten married! V had been busy and I was teaching, making it difficult to get away for long periods of time. We had already booked the holiday long before we knew we were preggy. With the doc's blessings, we went to Aussie for 18 days. What glorious 18 days those were! Gorgeous sights, cool weather, great food (esp the milk and cheese) and most of all, it was STRESS free! I have not felt that way for such a long time. At home there are things to worry about - bills, parents, etc... At the office, there's deadlines, colleagues etc... But in Aussie, all was forgotten.... What a wonderful feeling! Each day passed and I wished we didn't hv to return....

Coming back was tough for me.. Returning to the grind of work made me miserable. Plus preggy women are always feeling like a furnace and the Singapore weather was not helping. I missed the cool air in Aussie... I was also getting larger everyday and climbing up the 3 flights of stairs to my office was not getting any easier. Thank goodness though, I have wonderful colleagues who encouraged me all the way, even offering to buy lunch for me. I don't know how to thank them, sometimes.

From then on, till now, we have been buying all the necessary stuff needed for baby... preparing the house (shifting furniture, cleaning up, washing laundry etc) and just anticipating her arrival. I have been a happy mummy, mostly because of V's love and support. He is such a wonderful person and it's during these times that I know that I've married the right man. Thankfully I have not let him down by throwing tantrums.. Although once or twice i have let the frustration get the better of me.. Being preggy makes you unable to do what you once used to.. For e.g.

1. Walk more slowly and like a penguin
2. Get hungry more easily
3. Get tired and fatigued more quickly
4. Lose concentration and become more forgetful
5. Feel like you are not contributing

And the list goes on.... but of cos it's not all bad because u get to:

1. Eat with wild abandon (well, almost)
2. Be pampered
3. Sleep all you want and no one calls you lazy
4. Gush about baby and no one gets bored
5. Get less work cos no one wants to stress you!

Back to the post title, we are still waiting.. Let's hope baby won't come too late! We really cannot wait to see her and her beautiful face. :)

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Staying awake when it's rainy

It's really hard to stay awake when it's rainy, especially now that I'm in the 3rd trimester. I am now staring out my office window, when I should be writing a paper for my boss. The rain is so heavy i can hardly see the block opposite me. Most of my colleagues are on leave, my bosses are attending a meeting outside of the officer and I am here wondering what i'm doing in the office! I wish to go back and sleep and also spend some time with Sara.

With the baby arriving soon, I wonder how much time I can really spend with Sara. I also have gotten the contact of a friend's cousin on how to ensure baby and rabbit get along. I thought we would restrict Sara to the kitchen but I really think it's going to be impossible, after she has enjoyed the freedom of roaming the house for the past 2 years. It's also not fair to her. Looks like we'll have to keep the house as fur free as possible, especially baby's room. V and I were talking the other day and wondered if we need to get the baby fence, not to shut out baby, but Sara! Ha ha ha.

Anyway, there are alot of adjustments to make when baby comes. We've only just cleared out one cupboard so that we can store her things, and we still need to move some furniture around because we didn't actually plan to have a baby so soon. Hence our study will now be converted into a baby room and V will have to be 'evicted' to the living room. I think he will like it there because he will be able to watch TV and surf the net all in one place. :)

Many of my colleagues have been sharing baby stories with me and I've also been reading alot of books and info on the net. Of course, there is still some apprehension that i'll be able to get the hang of breastfeeding and more importantly, ensuring that I don't spoil the child too much. Some of my friends take the soft approach with the child, because they don't want to scold or beat the child. I'm sure no parent wants to do that, but my experience with Primary school children is that it may not work well and some things, especially when it comes to building a values foundation, have to be enforced the hard way. I guess i'll have to learn as I go along, how to strike a balance.

Feeling a little better after typing out this post, but it's only 4pm! How am I going to survive till 6pm? Actually, it's not that I have no work to do, but I just feel like sleeping and have totally no inspiration to write this paper. I still have tomorrow to work on in it.. perhaps that's why I am procrastinating.

Friday, December 05, 2008


Here's a 3d photo of my baby's face! She's got my hubby's nose and looks like she might have big eyes. I'm hoping for that! :P

Saturday, October 11, 2008

my birthday

I recently turned 27 (almost 2 weeks ago) and had such a wonderful weekend! I had dinner with my folks on the 27th (sat) and we had such a good meal at home. We had a bbq, using one of those instant bbq sets from NTUC and lots of seafood!! We had cod, crab soup, wagyu beef, prawns and scallops! Could you believe that a slab of wagyu beef bought from the deli only costs $39 and it fed 6 of us? If you had eaten it at a restaurant, you'd be pretty broke by now!!

The other dinner i had was of course with lao gong. Though we didn't go out to eat, we had a yummy dinner at home, which he cooked. He has been cooking more recently, because of my growing bump and the fact that i can't stand in one spot for too long (or stand too long, for that matter)... Most recently, he cooked pork soup with ginseng and red dates! It was yummy and nutritious.

On the 3rd Oct, my gal pals from Guidance Branch celebrated my bday with me. Out of the 6 of us, 4 have already left the branch. We don't know how we came to be such good friends, only after being colleagues for a year.. some only a few months, but we can really talk and bond over dinner and drinks. I think it's the time we spent talking during lunches and during off peak season (dec holidays) and sharing of rather intimate things, that brought us together. They treated me to dinner at a ramen place in Robertson Quay, dessert at Canele's and also gave me a wonderful card and lots of Marks and Sparks biscuits! Knowing that i'm perpetually hungry these days, the biscuits were the perfect pressie. I really look forward to our monthly meetings.

I have yet to celebrate with XR and Mag, but it will come soon. I met them recently too and they were so excited about my bump! XR even wanted to be godma. Baby is certainly blessed cos he/she is going to have lots of godmas!! Oh yes, I went to the gynae on wed but baby was crouching.. didn't want to show! I guess we will be in suspense for a while...

Some pics of sara... i forgot to turn on the red eye correction, so she looks a bit scary. But i assure you, she's so lovable, meek and mild!!

Thursday, September 18, 2008


Am down with the flu and a cough. Not sure where I caught it from, but it's not very pleasant because it disrupts my sleep at night and I have to stick a piece of tissue paper up my nose. The good thing, however, is that i get to rest at home and not check emails/write papers in the office. Thinking back to school days, it is a relief to be able to take MC and not feel bad. I used to feel guilty when i was sick, especially near to exam time, because the kids would come to school and have no teacher! I am glad those days are gone, really.

I'm not sure why I've been falling sick so often, despite the abundance of sleep I get. Could be the drop in immunity levels? I don't know, but it makes me feel weak... I guess it's natures way of telling me to rest.

V's out tonight, and I took a long afternoon nap earlier, so i'm up writing. The other day I told him that despite him being on night duty the past 2 weeks (tonight's the last nite!), I'm so thankful that i'm in Singapore. I remember the times in London, when I was staying in John Dodgson in my 3rd year, i would be awoken at 2am because some people downstairs are smashing bottles or fighting. I didn't even dare open my curtains to look in case they saw me and wanted to come after me. Yes, living in a foreign country makes you extra alert. Did you know that London has made me the light sleeper I am today? I used to sleep like a log but now, when V comes into the room, I know. Maybe it's preparing me for motherhood.

So yes, I am so glad to be here in safe Singapore. Of course, it has its share of murders and yes, Mas Selamat escaped (btw, it irks me to think of Min of HA giving ppl annoying answers in Parliament when asked how he escaped; but that story for another day)... but ultimately, I can still come home late at night and feel safe. I can stay alone at home at night with my windows open and not fear that something might happen. That said, i'm on the 13th floor, so i don't think any burglar or person in the right mind would want to risk a fall from that height. High rise flats are natural deterrents for such business.

It has been incredibly warm the past two days. If you ask me, i think it will rain tonight. Which means good sleep-in tomorrow, especially since i'm on MC. I am looking forward to waking up past 730 and awaiting V's return. I really don't know what I'd do without him!

11pm. I think i might go watch some TV and drink my nightly cup of milk. Pat Sara a bit and then go back to bed. I want to post up a very cute picture of her lying on my ikea rug but am a bit lazy to upload the photos, so i'll save it for another day. She is realllllly adorable and i will miss her when she's gone.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

A year on..

Wow! I didn't realise that i had not written for more than a year until i revisited my old blog (livejournal one) and clicked on the link to this blog...

It's nostalgic to read your old blogs, which detail the various experiences you once lived through and at the time seemed so real. Now, however, they seem like distant memories which you either refuse to recall or wonder if disbelief how you survived it all. And the present strikes you because it's so vastly different from those times.

I am still very happily married and will soon welcome an addition to the family! Baby (not sure boy or girl) is already a blessing in many ways. He/she has earned me 4 months maternity and as he/she is due in Mar 09, will help me serve out the remaining 3 months of my bond at home, blissfully away from the duties of civil servanthood, fully in mummy mode. Having a living thing with a heartbeat in you is a magical experience and I am loving every minute of it! Baby has been good and i've had little or no signs of morning sickness and don't punish V by driving out at 3 am to buy the Newton Char kway teow or Bak Kut Teh from Balestier....

Oh yes, V has lovingly bought a new pair of crocs (go take a look!) for me, which I can wear to work, and it is in a lovely shade of cotton candy. Thanks darling!

I hope that updating doesn't become a yearly affair because I really do miss writing. And it warms my heart that i don't write because I'm sad anymore... I write because I want to chronicle my life and the moments that make it mine. Looking at your baby via ultrasound has to count as one of the top moments for 2008. :)

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

on the topic of love..

It is almost 2 years to the day i registered my marriage. Time certainly has flown by so quickly. It almost feels like yesterday.....

Thinking about it, it was (if there is such a thing called fate) FATE, that led V and I together. When we were in Uni, we were friends..having joined the Uni at the same time, in the same year. However, as he entered directly into year 2, we hung out with different groups of people and were in different courses. Besides, we were both seeing other people at the time, so there wasn't really any opportunity to be together.

The gf he was with during Uni, I thought, would be the one he would marry. They seemed so compatible and always had a lot of fun together. Also, they studied the same course and probably could understand each other better. Hence it was total surprise when he told me that they had broken up. Not that i was harbouring any thoughts, having myself been through a devastating heartbreak. It was just good timing.

He broke up with her in Apr, and I broke up with mine in Jun. Then I came back to Sg end of Jun and he returned to Sg in September, a day after my birthday. Somehow, because he was part of my ex's group of friends, I found solace in talking to him and sharing my heartbreak with him. V was always a good listener.

Then somehow, from listening to my sobbing and my words of disbelief and anger, we became closer. I was afraid that the feelings I shared with him were rebound feelings. And because he was such a nice guy, i felt it irresponsible to continue hanging out with him if what i felt for him centred on "rebound". He knew my concerns and assured me that i could take my time to slowly work through my fears and insecurities. Believe me, it was a great challenge to try and determine if my feelings were real or just transference.

He encouraged me to be positive, because after all, my ex was the one who had done me a disservice and it was his loss. His words of encouragement helped me back on my feet (of course, i cannot discount the support of my friends - all of them, esp CM, who tried to talk some sense into me) and allowed me to enjoy myself e.g. going to watch plays, going to the beach (that was what flawed me - i love the beach and somehow i think he knew...), having quiet drinks and going for long walks. The quality time he was willing to spend with me certainly gave me confidence that this was the man I've been looking for... and all along, he was right in front of me. That's why i call it fate....

Of course it doesn't mean that it was always so peachy. There were times when i collapsed from fear that he will somehow leave me, the insecurity that he will love me but turn out to be someone i didn' tknow was still apparent. Even a year after the breakup, there were still some things I could not resolve. Instead of getting upset with me, V just asked me to take my time. I knew it hurt to talk about my ex to him, and others were telling me to cherish V and stop thinking about that b**tard. I knew what was the right thing to do, but my heart was weak. I still could not understand how he could cheat on me after all i had given to him.

Anyhow, i guess time does heal. I finally allowed myself to love V totally and give him all that i could. And without that, i guess i would not be married today. I might be living the single life, meeting friends, partying and just doing things for the moment, when i want to....... It all sounds wonderfully free, but having the man who loves you be so devoted to you... I think that beats the freedom anytime.