It is almost 2 years to the day i registered my marriage. Time certainly has flown by so quickly. It almost feels like yesterday.....
Thinking about it, it was (if there is such a thing called fate) FATE, that led V and I together. When we were in Uni, we were friends..having joined the Uni at the same time, in the same year. However, as he entered directly into year 2, we hung out with different groups of people and were in different courses. Besides, we were both seeing other people at the time, so there wasn't really any opportunity to be together.
The gf he was with during Uni, I thought, would be the one he would marry. They seemed so compatible and always had a lot of fun together. Also, they studied the same course and probably could understand each other better. Hence it was total surprise when he told me that they had broken up. Not that i was harbouring any thoughts, having myself been through a devastating heartbreak. It was just good timing.
He broke up with her in Apr, and I broke up with mine in Jun. Then I came back to Sg end of Jun and he returned to Sg in September, a day after my birthday. Somehow, because he was part of my ex's group of friends, I found solace in talking to him and sharing my heartbreak with him. V was always a good listener.
Then somehow, from listening to my sobbing and my words of disbelief and anger, we became closer. I was afraid that the feelings I shared with him were rebound feelings. And because he was such a nice guy, i felt it irresponsible to continue hanging out with him if what i felt for him centred on "rebound". He knew my concerns and assured me that i could take my time to slowly work through my fears and insecurities. Believe me, it was a great challenge to try and determine if my feelings were real or just transference.
He encouraged me to be positive, because after all, my ex was the one who had done me a disservice and it was his loss. His words of encouragement helped me back on my feet (of course, i cannot discount the support of my friends - all of them, esp CM, who tried to talk some sense into me) and allowed me to enjoy myself e.g. going to watch plays, going to the beach (that was what flawed me - i love the beach and somehow i think he knew...), having quiet drinks and going for long walks. The quality time he was willing to spend with me certainly gave me confidence that this was the man I've been looking for... and all along, he was right in front of me. That's why i call it fate....
Of course it doesn't mean that it was always so peachy. There were times when i collapsed from fear that he will somehow leave me, the insecurity that he will love me but turn out to be someone i didn' tknow was still apparent. Even a year after the breakup, there were still some things I could not resolve. Instead of getting upset with me, V just asked me to take my time. I knew it hurt to talk about my ex to him, and others were telling me to cherish V and stop thinking about that b**tard. I knew what was the right thing to do, but my heart was weak. I still could not understand how he could cheat on me after all i had given to him.
Anyhow, i guess time does heal. I finally allowed myself to love V totally and give him all that i could. And without that, i guess i would not be married today. I might be living the single life, meeting friends, partying and just doing things for the moment, when i want to....... It all sounds wonderfully free, but having the man who loves you be so devoted to you... I think that beats the freedom anytime.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Monday, June 11, 2007
5 Languages of Love
Did you know that there are 5 languages of love?
Was having lunch with my colleagues today and she was talking about her wonderfully romantic husband, and my other colleague S and I were just staring at her in disbelief. "Why don't I have a husband like yours?" S moaned. Somehow, i also felt like whining. Of course, i wouldn't give mine up for the world, because he is very yummy.
Anyway, yes, she mentioned that there is this thing called 5 Languages of Love. Basically, it seems that people respond to different things that are done for them and there are 5 categories/languages - Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affection, Acts of Service and Physical Touch (not just sex, of course). There is a quiz you can do online to find out what is your language. The website is http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/
After doing the test, i found out that my language is Quality Time, meaning that the best way my hubby can show that he loves me is to spend quality time. I think his is Acts of Service (i.e. action speaks louder than words). So the theory goes that once you know his or her language, then to show your love and make him/her happy, then do things in his language, so that they will love you so much and never want to leave you.
Note: Not all men go for physical touch! :P
Anyhow, i know i've not posted for a long time. I guess i just didn't have the mood. I dunno about other people, but I definitely need a mood to write. Actually, come to think of it, i need a mood to do most things...
Was having lunch with my colleagues today and she was talking about her wonderfully romantic husband, and my other colleague S and I were just staring at her in disbelief. "Why don't I have a husband like yours?" S moaned. Somehow, i also felt like whining. Of course, i wouldn't give mine up for the world, because he is very yummy.
Anyway, yes, she mentioned that there is this thing called 5 Languages of Love. Basically, it seems that people respond to different things that are done for them and there are 5 categories/languages - Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affection, Acts of Service and Physical Touch (not just sex, of course). There is a quiz you can do online to find out what is your language. The website is http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/
After doing the test, i found out that my language is Quality Time, meaning that the best way my hubby can show that he loves me is to spend quality time. I think his is Acts of Service (i.e. action speaks louder than words). So the theory goes that once you know his or her language, then to show your love and make him/her happy, then do things in his language, so that they will love you so much and never want to leave you.
Note: Not all men go for physical touch! :P
Anyhow, i know i've not posted for a long time. I guess i just didn't have the mood. I dunno about other people, but I definitely need a mood to write. Actually, come to think of it, i need a mood to do most things...
Thursday, February 08, 2007
More about X
No, i'm not talking about X-tasy... but Mr X. I started by talking about how we had drifted apart and how sad it is when love gets in the way of friendship, especially when it's not mutual. Then again, it's hard to stay friends with someone whom you've had feelings for but not reciprocated.
So anyway, here's another story about what he did for me.
________________
It was New year's eve. We were all at X's place for potluck as usual. About 20 of us gathered at his big house (rented, of course) to celebrate new year's eve. It was a fun evening, but i spent the whole evening whom I was going to do the countdown with. Yes, at that time, I was preoccupied with such stuff, nitty gritty though it may be. I wanted to spend it with K, whom I was really very much into, but then X and everyone else in the house was going someplace else.
At about 10pm, everyone was getting ready to go. By then, I had already made plans to meet K at Big Ben. X and company decided, however, to go to Trafalgar Sq. Not that it was really that far away, but about 10 mins walk. Far enough. Anyhow, X came to ask me whether i was going to meet K. He knew that i liked K and had already been liking him for awhile. You would think he'd try to persuade me to go with him, right? since i was already at his house... but no, he said that if i were to go and meet K, he would walk me there. Such a gentleman, no? I must've been stupid to turn him down! But, love of a man can twist your brain and cloud your mind.
So we left the house around 1045pm and headed in the general direction. Taking a bus and a tube and finally out at Trafalgar Sq station. Because of the crowd getting there, we arrived very close to midnight. X walked me to meet K, despite my protests. In fact, I even remember telling him, "Don't do this to yourself? Why make yourself miserable?" Obviously, you would feel terrible right? Here, this guy was willing to walk me to meet his 'competitor'! His reason? There were many drunk people who might disturb me or do something to me along the way and it wasn't safe. 3 minutes to midnight we reached Big Ben. He gave me a hug and ran off in the opposite direction. I looked at him and wondered whether I should have even allowed him to send me to K. Seriously, i felt awful. I knew that he would not be able to make it back to the group in time.. Maybe cos of the number of phone calls, he would not even be able to meet up with them. He'd have to spend New year countdown running in midst of strangers! My heart ached. When I saw K, of course, i was happy... but guess what he said when he first saw X? In typical dominant male fashion, he said, 'Why was he hugging you?' What a contrast in behaviour. K was a total b***ard. I should've known earlier eh? But... as the saying goes, "Nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai". Translated, it simply means 'if men ain't bad, women wouldn't love them'. I vote to throw this saying out the window!!
Anyhow, my reflections on this episode were plenty. On the one hand, X touched my heart, just like during the Valentines' Day date. On the other hand, I was already in love with K. It was such a difficult decision to make. All i wanted was for someone to make the decision for me. Of course, in the end i chose K, and it ended badly, but i've never regretted that love we shared. It was special, no matter what.
So anyway, here's another story about what he did for me.
________________
It was New year's eve. We were all at X's place for potluck as usual. About 20 of us gathered at his big house (rented, of course) to celebrate new year's eve. It was a fun evening, but i spent the whole evening whom I was going to do the countdown with. Yes, at that time, I was preoccupied with such stuff, nitty gritty though it may be. I wanted to spend it with K, whom I was really very much into, but then X and everyone else in the house was going someplace else.
At about 10pm, everyone was getting ready to go. By then, I had already made plans to meet K at Big Ben. X and company decided, however, to go to Trafalgar Sq. Not that it was really that far away, but about 10 mins walk. Far enough. Anyhow, X came to ask me whether i was going to meet K. He knew that i liked K and had already been liking him for awhile. You would think he'd try to persuade me to go with him, right? since i was already at his house... but no, he said that if i were to go and meet K, he would walk me there. Such a gentleman, no? I must've been stupid to turn him down! But, love of a man can twist your brain and cloud your mind.
So we left the house around 1045pm and headed in the general direction. Taking a bus and a tube and finally out at Trafalgar Sq station. Because of the crowd getting there, we arrived very close to midnight. X walked me to meet K, despite my protests. In fact, I even remember telling him, "Don't do this to yourself? Why make yourself miserable?" Obviously, you would feel terrible right? Here, this guy was willing to walk me to meet his 'competitor'! His reason? There were many drunk people who might disturb me or do something to me along the way and it wasn't safe. 3 minutes to midnight we reached Big Ben. He gave me a hug and ran off in the opposite direction. I looked at him and wondered whether I should have even allowed him to send me to K. Seriously, i felt awful. I knew that he would not be able to make it back to the group in time.. Maybe cos of the number of phone calls, he would not even be able to meet up with them. He'd have to spend New year countdown running in midst of strangers! My heart ached. When I saw K, of course, i was happy... but guess what he said when he first saw X? In typical dominant male fashion, he said, 'Why was he hugging you?' What a contrast in behaviour. K was a total b***ard. I should've known earlier eh? But... as the saying goes, "Nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai". Translated, it simply means 'if men ain't bad, women wouldn't love them'. I vote to throw this saying out the window!!
Anyhow, my reflections on this episode were plenty. On the one hand, X touched my heart, just like during the Valentines' Day date. On the other hand, I was already in love with K. It was such a difficult decision to make. All i wanted was for someone to make the decision for me. Of course, in the end i chose K, and it ended badly, but i've never regretted that love we shared. It was special, no matter what.
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