Can we live without our friends?

I had lunch with a friend last week. This friend used to be after me and we used to be able to have such wonderful conversations, into the night and to be able to share a common bond. Yet at lunch last week, things were not the same. Uncomfortable, distant and somewhat... too cordial. The closeness we shared will never come back again. Sometimes, I wonder if it is all because love got in the way of things? Things are never the same once friends cross the line into love, yet it's always worth a shot.

This bond all started over a drink at Hyatt's Mezzanine bar. We happened to go for a drink after bumping into each other on the bus and somehow or rather ended up on the topic of LOVE. Yes, that big word, that makes the world go round.. At least for me. As we chatted, I realised that X and I shared the same outlook on love.. that is, love is everything and to truly give yourself to someone and love that person wholeheartedly is a feeling that is undoubtedly the best feeling in the whole world. At that moment, it clicked. We were one.

Of course, I had no romantic feelings for X and neither did he, at least i think not, at the time. We maintained our closeness and he supported me through many difficult times, and I thought the conversation would never die. In the course of our friendship, we became close and it was only some time later that i realised he had started to love me. I was, however, tragically so, in love with someone else (who would later turn out to break my heart).

However, X did not give up. He was a true gentleman and never pressurized me. In fact, he was just so nice and wonderful to me, that I truly understood what it meant when you love totally without condition. Even upon finding out that I liked another, he asked me to 'follow my heart' even if it meant 'stepping himself in the foot'. Where can one find a man like that? I suppose, at the time, though touched, I never found it in myself to love him. At least, not romantically. I always had a soft spot for him, but it was not romantic.

X brought me out to dinner one night and when he arrived, there he was, in a suit, holding a rose in his hand. It was a day before Valentines Day. He said it was extremely embarrassing to be holding a rose all the way in the tube. I was , to say the least, getting softer inside. Then of course, in true chivalry, he took me somewhere cosy for dinner and 'money was no object'. We were both students then. Dinner was over conversation and of course, I tried to make clear that though I had agreed dinner with him, it was no obligation to start going out with him.

After dinner, he took me to a park. It seems cheesy but my heart was racing. What was going to happen? Would it all take a dramatic turn and we'd be wrapped in each others' arms? Was he going to profess his love for me and take me home? In the end, he brought me a to a tree and asked me if i was ready to climb. He pulled out a bottle of champagne and two glasses and up the tree we went. Drinking champagne on a tree, in the middle of Winter, in a middle of a park! How much more could I take? I wanted to jump into his arms and let him take me. Yet i held my cool and once again, told him that i needed time. Again, he asked me not to think about it, and just enjoy the view from up the tree. By the way, the champagne was fantastic. I don't know if it was the environment or what, but i still have that glass till today. Call me a sucker for nostalgia.

He sent me home, of course, that night. One would expect, in western terms, that we'd end up in bed or something, but no... it was all very innocent, just a peck on the cheek and a goodnight hug. It was all very overwhelming for me...

Sometimes I do wonder what would have happened if i ended up with X. Would i marry him today? Would it have been an extremely passionate relationship, given that we were both hopeless romantics and believed nothing but that LOVE could do anything? I don't know, and it doesn't matter.